The Clouds In Your Eyes, Down Your Face They Pour...
There are so many cala lilies blooming under my window
Jackie admits that she is girl that:
~ can't clean the house until she finds that one song that she has been obsessed with
~ wishes that she could have a full body suit of tattoos without any of the negative consequences that come with working in an office setting
~ daydreams about ten different ideas about once every ten minutes
~ sometimes wonders if she is even visible or here at all
~ misses her dad so much that she can almost feel the physical pain manifest itself
~ goes to church to light a candle and say a prayer even though she doesn't really like the Catholic church's doctrine that excludes her
~ sings certain songs to reassure herself or when she is in deep pain
~ would give anything to be in a rock/punk/hip hop band and go on tour (what is it about tour buses that are so exciting to me)
~ worries constantly over things that she has said or hasn't
~ replays scenes of her life over and over again in her mind until she says aloud "Stop, there is nothing I can do about it now"
~ believes in optimism for others but forgets to be optimistic for herself
~ was broken but is now putting the pieces back together
~ wants to break down her walls but is scared to
~ teared up when she heard the rumble of the dykes on bikes at Pride and then saw all the people cheering
~ knows she was beaten up pretty badly emotionally in her childhood
~ lets music and art consume her
~ knows she needs to let things go and just live
~ wants to own her own business and create and think everyday
~ could live on a desert island as long as she had an endless supply of good music and some art supplies
~ is constantly planning something
~ sometimes wonders what she would look like as a boy
~ gets tired of her shyness when meeting new people
~ is not sure that there is someone out there that could put up with her
~ loves thinkers, dreamers, artists, musicians and people who just do
~ pretends that she is hard even though she knows she's a softy
~ wants to live happily ever after even though she uses her sarcasm to pretend that happily ever after doesn't matter to her
i heart you dearly.
This is my favorite entry. Raw, uncut and brutally you to the core! It inspires me to make my own list...but that itself is scary! UH OH!
Jackie's mom is:
someone who wishes she could erase the bad and replace it with all the good that Jackie deserves;
feels the pain that Jackie has endured so sharply that it motivates her to continue to work towards showing Jackie just how wonderful life can be when you let go;
someone who knows that Jackie's soulmate is out there wishing for her as well, longing to help her forget and have a great life and her happily ever after;
someone who understands being hurt deeply by people you are supposed to be able to trust and who also has had more time to heal and wants Jackie to know it WILL happen;
someone who knows how hard it is to take that "power" away from people who harm and to regain trust and keep the power for ourselves to use for good;
someone who has always believed in Jackie, her goodness, her unselfish and kind ways, someone who is grateful to have Jackie in her life and close by, someone who will always be there and will never give up.
someone who considers jackie her baby and as long you live, my baby you'll be - I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
I can see we are related:
Having life bring my cousins back into my life after all these years is amazing.Having them back in my life because of an end of life breaks my heart, but also makes me so grateful.Having read about my 2nd cousin, the daughter of my first cousin, Liz, seeing her amazing talents in the art world I am in awe, she has great talent.Reading that I am not the only one who gets tears when I hear the engines rumble at the start of the pride parade makes me smile. I live 2 blocks away from the start point in West Hollywood, and I can hear the engines roar and know I need to run down the street.
I was so afraid over the years to come out to my Aunt Carmen, who was also my Godmother, thinking she would be ashamed of me, but looking back now I wish I could turn back time, knowing she would have probably just hugged me, and then asked if I was hungry.
Life lessons, sometimes hurt, but usually now just make me smile and think, why do I always over think things, and always worry about everyone else, when I need to just live for today, which is what one of my 7 tattoos says in Japanes symbols, "live for today"...