June 2006 Archives

Maui sunset

I just got back late last night from my brother's wedding in Hawaii. It was beautiful in Maui- clear air, clear water. We snorkeled, saw turtles and colorful fish, got burned (dammit!- but I am getting more even now), ate good food, hiked to a waterfall, went down a crazy winding road and more. It seemed that as soon as we got there- we left. Next time I go to Hawaii I will need to stay longer and explore more.

I'll have more pictures for you later on this week- or next week.

Chicago building

As the result of my cousin's graduation in San Diego (and the tricky overcast sky) I am now the proud owner of the weirdest tan lines ever. See, I have an office job so I am on the pale side and my legs, well they never see the light of day, let's just leave it at that. So now I have a v-neck tan on my chest and a really dark t-shirt tan on my arms. I am going to look ridiculous in Hawaii. But thats ok- I have embraced it. In fact, I think that weird tan lines that are worse than the farmer tan are going to be the new sexy thing. Come on- join me people. Show those tan lines off with pride!

P.S. Funny how I can get brown really fast.

I don't do this often. This blog is mostly things that I see and lists that I make. But today I want to tell you a story. A love story to be exact.

Picture an elderly man who has been in love with his wife for more than fifty years. He loved her when she was the sassy young woman who was as warm hearted as she was quick with her wit and he loves her now as she struggles to remember who she is and who the man in the house is. Everyday he gets her up and gives her a bath and makes her breakfast- all done with pure love. He takes care of her until the caregiver comes and relieves him although he never leaves his wife's side. When people say that he should put her in a home, he says that as long as he is living, he will never put her in a home. She will stay with him- thats home.

One day the old man is in the garage cleaning things up and he has a nasty fall and breaks his ankle and foot. He knows that he he could press the button on the device that calls 911 that he has with him in his pocket. But he doesn't use it. Instead he uses all his might and drags himself to the kitchen to get to the phone. He calls and leaves a message with the caregiver that she should come quickly so that she can stay with his wife while he goes to the hospital. By the time he has reached the phone she is almost there- it took him an hour to get from the garage to the kitchen.

When the caregiver gets there she immediately calls 911 and they take him to the hospital. And when they ask him why he didn't use the emergency device to call 911. He simply says, "I didn't want to leave my wife alone with no one there at the house for her." So he waited because his love for his wife was greater than his physical pain.

And there you have it- ultimate love. A love that everyone should be so lucky to have. My mom's godfather had to have two surgeries on his foot and ankle and now has two pins holding everything together. He is doing better and has assured everyone that he will be up on crutches soon and will be back to his house crutches and all.

All I could think when I heard that story was that man is my hero. I have never known a more beautiful person.

Ahh the "Ring of Fire." Well, a half a Ring of Fire. It should be done soon- its going to be damn beautiful. My sister and I are going to mosaic it once its done and I am thinking that Mexican symbols and skulls are where its at. What do you think? And then there will be a concrete block bench behind it with horsetail and flowers too. With how much I talk about this, this Summer should be dubbed the "Ring of Fire Summer." There, it is officially named.

Andrew

If you haven't noticed, I have been even more partial to lists lately. Sometimes, I find myself thinking in lists or bullet points. What could that mean? I am taking it as a need to take a vacation- Hawaii, we will be there soon. My brother is getting married! Anything to get away for a little while and kick it in the sun. Although I am worried that my whiter than white (translucent if I may) legs will blind someone. Dude, maybe I need to break down and get the fake bake lotion. Orange legs would probably inflict less damage on people's corneas.

The first ten songs to pop out on the ipod-

1. Mince Meat- Danger Doom

2. Rainbows- Madvillian

3. Love Speakeasy- Talib Kweli & Hi-Tek

4. Apple Tree- Wolfmother

5. Free Me- Foo Fighters

6. I'm Gonna Love You To- Blondie

7. Se Acabo- The Beatnuts

8. What I Got- Sublime

9. Got To Give It Up- Marvin Gaye

10. It Was A Good Day- Ice Cube

I was actually surprised how nice the mix of genres is on this little list. Varied, yeah?

photo courtesy of Lauren

Glood things for this week:

- graduations- my cousin Meghan from UCSD and my cousin Anthony-Ray from high school

- new grass in piles in front of my house just waiting to be put in- ahh the smell of fresh sod in the morning

- working on the application for Bazaar Bizarre

- painting a little something, something for my cousin

- my sister starting her job

- going to the beach this weekend

- hot water in my house- cold showers are no joke- even if it was for a day

- Hawaii plans- snorkeling and surf lessons (I hope I don't look like a complete idiot)

Emotions have been swirling this week. Things come and go. Ebb and flow and yet I am strong. I can deal with everything that comes my way. Crazy relatives- check. Weird looks- check. Drama up the wazoo- double check. But I am neutral. You can't get sucked in if you don't let it involve you. That's the key, let the negativity glide over you and hit someone else. Cause I don't need it and its not even close to being about me. Its about old hurts and raw emotions- bad combination. I want to yell "Suck it up and get over it!" But I just smile and feel bad for them. Bittnerness seems to slowly eat away at you physically and mentally. There are some people that it is doing a number on. I just hope that they let it go one day. That one day they let the negativity roll off of them and start to smile again.

the street I speed down every morning on the way to work, Santa Ana

Here's a little meme thats been going around- which makes it sound like the flu virus- ehh but I digress...

accent: hmm Californian accent with a Mexican accent that pops up with certain phrases. But I wish I had a British or Irish accent.

booze: mojitos all the way baby. Just damn good if done right.

chore I hate: Ironing. I suck at it and therefore, don't even try.

dogs/cats: one dog- Jazzybelle- Jazz for short

essential electronics: navigation in the truck (saves my life over and over again)and my iPod

favorite perfume/cologne: Demeter Laundry- smells like clean sheets, yo

gold/silver: I used to be a silver only girl due to all the piercings I had in stainless steel, but I have been feeling the gold lately too. So both.

hometown: Fullerton, California

insomnia: nah, as soon as I lay down I am out- unless my damn neighbor starts with the power tools in the middle of the night

job title: girl in the front- receptionist by day ~ artist by soul

kids: Nope

living arrangements: in a nice house that is soon to have a kickass backyard

most admired trait: honesty and honorable

number of sexual partners: hey, hey buddy, thats a little personal, yeah? besides my relatives read this mess :)

overnight hospital stays: nope

phobia: slimy things like snails and slugs- ayyy so gross

quotes: "Its better to die on your feet than live on your knees"- Emiliano Zapata

religion: I was raised Catholic but mostly consider myself a spiritual person now. I am not sure how much faith I have in organized religion anymore.

siblings: Four. And seven if you count my cousins- which I do. So my answer would be 7- Gabe, Micah, Lauren, Andrew, Emilie, April and Anthony-Ray

time I usually wake up: 6:50 or 7- and then I am off and running to the shower and not to be late to work

unusual talent: a knack for making up strange dances- and then apparently spraining my ankle to them

vegetables I refuse to eat: nothing comes to mind. Well, maybe brusell sprouts but I haven't had them for so long that I can't really remember how they taste.

worst habit: saying whatever comes to mind- bad, bad

x-rays: boring dental ones

yummy foods I make: I make a kickass ceviche and mean ass spaghetti that was just too mean and I don't make it anymore

zodiac sign: Aries. I used to think that I wasn't like my sign. But the older I get the more I realize dude I am a domineering ram. Ah well...

What I saw: The Roots- quite possibly the hardest working hip hop band. They ooze a collective cool on stage. There is nothing better than live hip hop where the bass shakes your clothes and you are forced to do variations of the head nod.

What I am listening to: Panic! At the Disco

What I am reading: Dry by Augusten Burroughs- much like David Sedaris, he is the king of the painful + quirky humor.

What I am watching: Food Network's Vegas Wedding

What I am thinking about: the ring of fire. We have half of a ring right now. But its going to look nice. A couple more weekends and it should be good to go. Grass in the backyard and everything.

it was sticky and stuffy in the house
as I opened the window
I heard it
misty rain
gentle and delicate
I went outside to greet it
it fell on me like a blanket of dew
softly landing like butterflies do
lighting up your old beast of a truck
and I remembered that mom's cousin is going to fix it
he said he could
he could make it a gem
then I would drive it to places we had been
places that have a faint memory of our conversations
I am excited about this
excited about things to come
it will be good

Chi town tulips

What I am reading: Running with Scissors- Augusten Burroughs- interesting read

What I am listening to: Raconteurs on CD, The Pretenders on Vinyl

What I am watching: the Everwood series finale- lame how everything is working out perfectly- but ehh what are you gonna do?

What I am eating: my ten millionth fudgicle cause its warm and dammit I love them

What I am thinking: That I need to go shopping for some stuff to wear in Hawaii for my brother's wedding. That the government is trying to redirect people again by bringing up gay marriage and the illegal immigrants. That it was dumb to sprain my ankle. That I need to get cracking on my art. Thinking lots of things tonight.

What I am wishing: That Melinda I get into Bazaar Bizarre in Los Angeles, a craft fair that has some really kickass people involved in it.

Chicago

Note to self: Never sprain your ankle while dancing to "Start Wearing Purple" by Gogol Bordello. Actually it wasn't even a dance. It was a huge jump that was supposed to start the dance. That being said- do not roll your ankle just as the song is getting to the good part.

I am feeling better today. Even better than yesterday- sprained ankle aside. The rage is gone. And I am really glad because rage is dangerous. It may be ok to feel anger. But what do you do when you feel angry all over. Like if you don't say something soon, you will explode. Thankfully, I have worked through it. That mess was killing me. It doesn't mean that I still don't want to run away- believe me, I really do. But it isn't the only thought that I have now. Progress, right?

Me and Andrew

Have you ever had that feeling of wanting to just run away? Not just wishing for a vacation or a break. But to truly run away. To drop everything, your responsibilities, your baggage, everyone else's baggage that gets dumped on you and just truly run. I would give anything to be gone this weekend. To get out and not tell anyone. To take Jazz and pack up my truck and get lost, with my sense of direction this wouldn't be hard. Who knows when I would return. All I know is that I feel like I am ready to jump out of my skin by staying here. It would be great if while I was away that people just forgot about me- that they just forgot that I was supposed to be somewhere and just let me be. Then I could handle it all upon my return. Or maybe I would stay lost. And there would only be remnants of me through this blog or postcards or letters. What if I was just a distant memory? For some reason this sounds good right about now.

Sidenote: My computer is broken no more! Thanks to Eric whom I love- even though I have never met him- but he fixed my computer and that is a good enough reason to give my love away.