Jackie's Blog

I Won't Let You Walk Away, Without Hearing What I Have To Say...

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
-Jimi Hendrix

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not
-Kurt Cobain

And If I Live Until I'm 102, I Just Don't Think I Will Ever Get Over You...

clouds outside my window

i sang tonight
cause i just couldn't cry anymore
i sang to you
and i sang out of tune

i sang songs that you liked
i sang songs that reminded me of you
songs that we sang together
and songs that we loved

i sang your favorites
and i sang mine
and when i couldn't anymore
i hummed

but i saved the best for first and last
i started with Father and Son
and ended with Fire & Rain

cause i always thought that i would see you again
just one more time....

Your play list, Dad:
- Father and Son- Cat Stevens
- Walking in Memphis- Marc Cohn
- You Can Call Me Al- Paul Simon
- As- Stevie Wonder
- Eleanor Rigby- The Beatles
- Rubberband Man- The Spinners
- With A Little Help From My Friends- Joe Cocker
- Whats Going On- Marvin Gaye
- Let it Be- The Beatles
- Flashlight- Parliment
- Fire and Rain- James Taylor

And When Your Back's Against The Wall, Just Turn Around And You Will See, I Will Catch Your Fall, Have A Little Faith In Me...

cala lily on the side of my house

I have a little art project going on. I place cards that I have made in special spots for people to find. I'm letting you in on my secret. So shhh. Don't tell anyone and lets just see if they can make someone smile on what was a hard day. At least thats what I am hoping.

Oh Dear Lord, Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood...

Jimi, EMP Seattle WA

I saw Sin City finally (although I was supposed to wait for my sister- sorry Lo) on Sunday. And for those of you who haven't seen it. It is as they say. Bloody and probably the most violent movie that I have ever seen. So what does it mean that I really liked it? And what does it mean that I had a dream about it and in it I was just as ruthless as the main characters and I enjoyed it? Hmmm.... Maybe they are right- violent movies make violent kids. Or maybe it's simply the other way around. Makes you wonder about Frank Miller, Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino doesn't it? And where the heck do I fit in?

We Be To Rap What Key Be To Lock, But I'm Cool Like Dat...

Guiness museum, LA

Wasn't it Ferris Bueller who said "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." Yes, thats right. I am following the advice of an 80's movie icon. But for reals- taking a look around once in awhile makes all the hard work so much more worth it. It makes you appreciate life in general and without getting sappy- life is pretty amazing once in awhile....

She's A Rebel, She's A Saint, She's a Soldier...

Venice beach, CA

She said, "what's important to me is honor. I always try to do the right thing and its hard but its harder when you are with someone who doesn't care. I'm glad you care. You are really strong you know. God, I have known you for like a minute and I can see that."

I have never blushed so much or been so pleasantly surprised....

Slim Was Fresh Yo, When She Was Underground, Original, Pure Untampered And Down Sister...

glass in the ceiling, Tacoma WA

Brown Sugar is on for the millionth time and of course I am watching it. How can I not? Its all about hip hop and its funny- good things to look for in a movie. So I have put together a little list of movies that I can watch over and over again. True- these may not be thought provoking movies- they are what they are. Mostly just entertaining and funny. Oh and they have great lines- lines that you can repeat and it just makes you laugh.

1. Brown Sugar- hip hop, Mos Def, happy ending and Blackalicious... whats not to like?

2. Some Kind of Wonderful- 80s movie- with classic lines, a painter, a
drummer girl and the classic struggle between outsiders & popular folks

3. Tank Girl- cool lines like "2 dollars and fifteen cents" besides crazy wacked out kangaroo men and Lori Petty and Naomi Watts before she was seeing the Ring

4. Pretty in Pink- John Cryer's scene where he lip-synchs Otis Reddings' "Try A Little Tenderness"

5. Empire Records- too much to say. I still spit lines from this movie like "Mark, you play a mean guitar man. Too bad you have to die." Just watch it

6. Orange County- Its all about Jack Black- "Want me to get naked and start a revolution? I'll take that as a maybe"

7. Love Actually- Sure its cute and all but its funny too. And the question that someone must tell me, Why are there sea animals in the Christmas play?

8. Can't Hardly Wait- Another teen movie but notice that it has mad people in it. "And who could forget the pudding pants incident."

9. Basquiat- I love this movie. I love watching the painting scenes- Basquiat is my favorite painter by far and his story is intriguing.

10. Armageddon- "Bye Bye Astronauta"- yeah Lo and I are going to call our production company this or then again maybe not- but it would be funny to us.

Phone Is Ringin', Oh My God...

sleepy Jazz...

Bella who looks like she is pretending to be asleep- eyes all scrunched up

There are certain people I see everyday. And no not my friends (cause that really depends) and not even my family. Nah, instead I see the guy who waves the sign for cheap car insurance, and the guys who wait for work next to 7-Eleven- one guy in a red bandanna always gives me the head nod, and the mothers walking their kids to school. I can guage my lateness or timliness by what house the bus is parked in front.

It just makes me wonder. What are these people's stories? Are they loud, shy, a good dancer, bad at math? I wonder if they wonder about the people they see everyday too. Or is that just me?

P.S.
CONGRATULATIONS to my brother Gabriel and his girlfriend Naoko who just got engaged... Congratulations again....

When I Hold My Pen, I Hear The Theme Song From Rocky, Rhymes Intoxicating Like A Warm Cup Of Sake...

the mono rail- Seattle WA

Like Moe Moe and Keri Smith I decided to post a list of things that make me happy and giddy (although giddy is a silly word):

1. popsicles on a warm day

2. beating Jazz to the front door

3. concerts of bands that I wouldn't normally listen to

4. my new guerilla art project

5. some new, good hip hop (Hezekiah)

6. my new record player

7. my drawings of my pending tattoo

8. new conversations that mean little and so much at the same time

9. going for a drive on a nice breezy day

10. pore strips

11. Basquiat the movie for 10 millionth time

12. good tea

13. laughing until i cry

14. creative atmospheres

15. repeating movie lines with my sister and she knows what I am talking about
(Is this a hen house? It must be a hen house- cause all I see is chicken shit!)

16. thought provoking books

17. new art supplies

18. poigniant lyrics and head bopping beats

19. my sister's blog chock full of nice pictures

20. boomer ball (that's for you Lo)

You're Only Scared To Die, When You Ain't Living Right...

traffic in LA

sometimes its all I can do
to drive past your off-ramp
and not go to your room
and put on your clothes
that are scratchy with concrete bits
and lace up your weathered concrete covered boots
that i know won't fit

and then flop on the floor
watching the construction dust
settle on my heart as I breathe it in deeply

wishing you were on a job
or fixing the alignment
or at the store
cause someone said just get me one thing

some days its all i can do
not to will myself to die
they say death waits in the shadows
but i've checked those shadows
and i can't find death

dammit, where is it when i need it
cause where most fear meeting their end
i only wish it came sooner
i'd look death in the eye
greet it like a lost friend

i've been waiting
i'll say
i'll run ahead
and run towards you
and leap out
and tackle you
and you'll laugh

but until then
know that i am
waiting in your room
picking chunks of concrete off
your faded shirt
and trying to fit my big feet in
your smaller boots
watching the dust settle

Ok, Here We Go, Get The Cool, Get The Cool Shoe Shine...

hot dogs in Hollywood

Some things that I have been pondering this week:

-Why the NBA is trying to the raise the age limit on entering the draft from 18 to 21. Now tell me why that makes any sense? I mean yes, I agree they should go to college. But if you can die for our country at the age 18- then why can't you play basketball. Answer me that!

-Who writes descriptions and instructions on the back of products? I want you to know that this is what Herbal Essences says about their conditioner- Escape deeper into a world of exotic pleasure and unleash the power of your naturally beautiful hair. Seductively lush and wild, this fragrant conditioner will take your hair to a place its never been before. Worse yet are the directions- Work into wet hair, caressing every strand with lush, moisture. Exhilarate as long as desired, then rinse thoroughly. Dude, its conditioner... nuff said!

-Actually maybe the question is who reads the back of products? Yeah, for some reason the answer is always me.

-Why does my grandma yell about everything in the house and then when we are in a noisy restaurant, she whispers and she refuses to speak any louder. It never fails, I hear "Oh my god! Its trash day!!!!!" (Its trash day every Friday). And she never just says this- she screams it. But tonight while in Rockin' Baja she wouldn't repeat her story cause she didn't want to yell. She would rather forget about her story or question than be loud. I don't get it. But when I ask her, I get a loud "Huh?" and then I choose to forget my question.

Random I know...

Peace & Blessins' Manifest With Every Lesson Learned...

mural, Seattle WA

I received presents in the mail today, which is always fun. Lauren sent me a book called Big Up. Its a book by photographer Ben Watts and it chronicles youth culture from the punk scene to the b-boys to amateur boxing. Its not that he just takes pictures- he makes them into collages with scribbling, masking tape and sometimes autographs from the subjects themselves. I am in love with this book.

Sidenote: I am excited cause I have some concerts that are coming up- should be cool. Coachella fest (both days yay), Juanes, Smile Empty Soul.....

Man Its Real That Way, When I'm Thinking Things That Make You Feel That Way...

almost inside a tulip

M: (she winced in pain as she fell onto the sand) Ay!
J: Are you ok? (I helped her up)
M: Yeah, I just fell on my knee that I hurt last week
J: No you didn't.
M: Yes, I did. I fell in the street last week.
J: (laughing) No, you didn't
M: Yeah I did. Why would I lie? Why are you laughing (she's laughing now too)
J: Cause I fell in the street last week.
M: Shut up.
J: No I really did.
M: Well I bet you didn't trip over your sandals and get rocks in your knee and rip your favorite jeans.
J: Nah, close enough though- same thing except I was in work pants and I was trying to avoid getting hit by a car.
M: (laughing) thats gotta mean something
J: Yeah, that we are both clumsy

Pointless conversation continued down the beach and it wasn't even cold....

But Something Makes Me Carry On, It's Difficult To Understand, Why I Always Wanna Fly...

Pike's Market, Seattle

Who I just saw: Garbage

What I just ate: seafood pho

What I listened to on the ride home: Smile Empty Soul and MC Solaar

What I discovered: I really need to go to more concerts, they are fun

What I'm contemplating: Should I buy the new Garbage Cd and do I have any clean clothes for tommorow (nothing mind boggling at 12:30 am)

Dearly Beloved, We Are Here To Celebrate A Thing Called Life...

an empty lot in LA, CA

This weekend was nice! Got to hang out with my friends- Cha Cha Cha in West Hollywood + Moe Moe, Kin, Elyssa, Liz and Heidy (Wendy) = good times. I apologize to anyone who was trying to have a nice dinner while we were there- apparently we are a tad too loud.

Oh yeah, and I got a date...... date... date..... (sad to say I have never had a real date- we always just end up hanging out at a house or something)....

In Case You Ain't Knowing, And In Case You Ain't Heard...

I keep forgetting to post about my birthday suprise that my step-dad got for me. He pimped my ride (I think he has been watching that show too much- but come on who doesn't love Xzibit).

I came home late Monday night and on Tuesday of course I was running late work. I got in my truck and realized that Robin had got my oil change- which is nice cause I needed it. Then I noticed a card taped to my radio and when I lifted the card I realized that there was a new radio where my old one used to be). I thought "oh thats really nice of him" and so I called him to tell him thank you. And as I was calling, I heard a weird woman say "In 2 miles turn right." That's right, I have a navigation system as well as satellite radio and a six cd changer and when I back up there is a camera that shows me what is behind me. I am crazy spoiled! But believe me, if anyone needs a navigational system it is me- oh and did I mention that it has a flip up screen- (yeah I know- I am crazy spoiled). Check it..

What the radio looked like before I was told it had a flip up screen.

Ahhh the flip up screen

I know there is a glare on these photos- sorry about that- but you get the picture.

Cause You Can Choose To Say Good Morning, God or Good God Morning...

little guy I saw all over Seattle

Yep, I fell in the street today and now my knee hurts like a mother. See what had hapened was: I was parked illegallly (everyone does it alright) so that I could drop off an Overnite package, as I was going around my truck- a crazy guy came speeding around and almost hit me. So naturally, I jumped back and fell in pot hole (dammit!), ripped my new pants and got rocks in my knees. As I got up hoping that no one had seen me, this lady came up and said she had seen the whole thing and that it was a good thing that I jumped like I had cause otherwise I would have been killed. Uh, yeah good to know.

Even though falling hurts, its kinda funny. I mean I don't think I have had to take little rocks out of my knee since middle school or something. And this made me remember other times I have fallen. I have never thought of myself as a klutz (I thought my sister was the klutz in the family- sorry Lo) but damn I must be cause I have way too many falling memories. One time I decided to hurry up going down some steep stair at my dad's house and yeah I fell crazy down all of the stairs (lol). Or when I was in Flagstaff and I decided to race my sister up a little hill and I fell with my first step cause I inadvertantly stepped on a pine cone. I think if I was to continue my trip down falling lane I would have way too long of a blog- so I will leave you with that...

Caught Up In Circles, Confusion Is Nothing New...

glass in the celing in front of the glass museum in Tacoma, WA

I am not happy about this at all! I am not a girl! Well, maybe I am a girl but it sucks anyway. See, most of the time I think of myself as a quasi-boy. I think because I shun certain feelings and hate dressing up in anything that doesn't have legs (yes, skirts and dresses uh) that I am overtly masculine. In all honesty, I am not. There is no denying it that I am a woman-I'm not butch and most people cannot tell that I am a dyke (yes, I said that- and its all good)- but most of the time I just don't see it.

I'm not sure if it was because of my upbringing or what but I have never had any desire to be in love. I have come close but then the walls that I have made slam back and I have yet to challenge them. And I figured that I was ok with that, which I am. But yesterday after reading this book about unrequitted love, I realized that maybe I should take down these walls. See this is what I am unhappy about- cause I was happy in my ignorant bliss. And now that I know that I am not an aloof boy (who bought that anywayz, right?) I have to deal with crappy feelings that would otherwise make me ill. What should I do? I am truly making myself sick- ewww and to top it off I have been having really pleasant dreams, so unlike the violent if not colorful ones that I am used to.

Hmmm, maybe the world is ending or maybe my heart is unthawing- I'll let you know when I figure it out....

I Heard Angels Late Last Night, Right Before The Morning Light...

Yes, I have been gone. I went to Seattle (I had never been) and had a really good time for my birthday. I am what my brother likes to say my mid-20s (24 that is). I myself don't believe the hype. I will not be in my mid-20s until I hit 25- and don't even try to argue with me that this is not logical- cause I have given up on logic and am only listening to myself now (well on some things- like when mid-20s start). I am too tired right now to tell you what we did in Seattle so here are some pictures for you.

The view out the Space Needle

The Space Needle from my hotel window

Pike's Market- and yeah I saw them throw the fish

Guitar sculpture in the EMP museum