Jackie's Blog

Music Is My Heart and Soul, More Precious Than Gold...

lily

Coming home from Target trek number 2,000,080 yesterday, I had a musically fufilling conversation. It just happened to be a perfect night for cruising home, windows down, music blasting. As I turned the corner onto my street, (I was listening to some older Blackalicious), some kid (Raul) yelled out to me and asked me who was on my radio. (sidenote- Raul apparently lives down the street from me but happened to be taking his grandma's ancient chihuahua for a walk yesterday evening.) I stopped and told him and he said he had never heard of them before. So we got into a conversation about how radio isn't the same anymore and how they only play 10 songs on a continuous loop. We talked about how conscious hip hop was the way to go and how rock seemed to be having a peak. Before I knew it I had been stopped in the street for twenty minutes talking with this young kid who held music to the highest regard, just like me. As I was getting ready to drive off, I pressed the eject button on my cd player and handed him the Blackalicious cd. He tried to refuse it, but in the end he took it and thanked me. He said "music should be shared- so I'll pass it along." And thats true- cause it wouldn't be any fun if one person kept the music to themselves.

Just Take It, Take Another Little Piece of My Heart Now, Baby...

mural off the 101 fwy, LA

My grandma's eyes light up when she talks about school and it makes me feel a little guilty. She treasured school and got good grades when she was there. She has showed me her report cards and they all have glowing praise for her- except for the semesters that she was gone picking. My grandma and her small family would pick fruit and nuts seasonally and as a result she missed a lot of the school.

She is really very smart and could have gone further if she had been selfish- but when her dad asked her to quit school at ninth grade she did so without complaining- because she was a good catholic mexican girl. She did what was expected of her and she took care of everyone first, got married and then took care of everything for her husband and kids.

With her telling me these things, I see myself as she does. I see a girl who has so many oportunities, who is educated, who is equal in a world full of racism and sexism. And those thoughts empower me because when I think of the blatantly racist and sexist world that we live in- I don't always feel so equal. I feel like an outsider, a girl on the fringe, but one that dares to call out inequalities. To my grandma its amazing that I dare to raise my voice, that I look the world in the eye and that I expect more. She did what she was told and I do what I say (most of the time that is- within reason of course). I refuse to settle. And that my friends is a HUGE leap for the women in my family.

So I thank you grandma, for forging the path. For my mom who is stronger than she thinks. For the latinas and women in general who have come before me. Thank you for the choices that I now have.

Moon Lights Up The Night, I Light Up When You Call My Name, You Give Me Fever...

palm tree in venice beach, ca

Sometimes its ok to turn off the noise- the tv, the radio, iTunes- and sing. Sometimes its good to be in bed before 10 and try to get some quality dream time in, hopefully something transpires...

Que Hora Son Mi Corazon...

easter eggs...

Happy Easter to everyone. I hope you had your fill of nasty squishy muli-colored peeps, and I hope that now I don't have to see them in the store anymore. Yeah, I have a good Easter attitude- always have and always will.

The orange egg is mine- just in case you were wondering.

The Fight For Rights to Love Your Life, to Rise, Passion...

hollywood ca

Friday night we went to see Savion Glover in Improvography at the Kodak theater. It was amazing. He tapped almost continuousyly for an hour and a half. For those who haven't seen him perform, you need to do something about that right now. Check Ticketmaster or something. Savion is amazing. Its so hard to put in words how I felt while watching him frenetically create beats with his feet all while smiling softly. He was thoroughly enjoying himself and he wanted to show the audience and he did.

Savion...
I felt a connection because that is how I feel when I am painting just because I have to get it out of me. Sometimes my ideas are too much to keep to myself and when I release them onto a canvas or a piece of furniture- I am relieved and satisfied. It doesn't matter if no one likes it, if it doesn't sell, if it sucks- cause its enough for me to see it go from concept to reality.

Driving home that night- all I could think was "Can you imagine being paid for your passion in life, and does it take work to be able to keep it true to you?"

Uncle Ricky, Would You Read Us A Bedtime Story Please...

la skyline through the window while going under a bridge

Why I'm happy- I just bought a 48x48 canvas (yes thats big)- I have some good ideas for it too

Where I'm going- nowhere nosy ass (just playing)

Cause Our Time And Our Clothes Gotta Coordinate...

wild things mural- Melrose LA, CA

And I'm back. I am starting to make new things again and my creative vibe seems to be buzzing. Maybe it was the fact that we had a semi-long winter this year- but I had a dormancy period. Spring is coming though, I can feel it. Its lightly drizzling right now- but its different from the torrents of rain that we had earlier this year. This rain is happier... Or maybe I have a better attitude. Either way, it works for me.

Be on the look out cause I hope to have new stuff up in a couple of weeks.

I Was A Nice Child, I Used To Boogie To Sleep...

church on 17th Street, Santa Ana, CA...

Too tired today.... All I wanted to do was go home and sleep. And as soon as I got home, I didn't take a nap. Nah- I made collages in my newest journal (I have at least three going right now- well three that I can find). These simple collages are oddly therapeutic though- so its all good. Maybe I will post some of the pictures of them. Or maybe I won't. We'll see...

I Woke Up This Morning To A Guilty Sky Above, I Didn't Want To Get Out Of My Bed...

Bella and Jazz...

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone! With that being said has anyone heard the McDonald's commercial about the shamrock shake. Why is McDonald's mad racist. I mean why is it that everytime an ethnic holiday comes around- they have actors on the radio in a bad accent saying messed up things. Its not right man..... Does anyone remember when they used to have the fiesta menu? I think I am still upset about that...

In This Great Future, You Can't Forget Your Past; So Dry Your Tears I Say...

flowers...

In high school I had an art teacher that told me that I was a true artist. The day she told me that, I think I floated to every other class that I struggled in. I thought she meant that I was talented and gifted, which may have been part of it. But she meant something more than talent or the fact that I liked to paint. One of the last days of high school she gave me the true answer. She asked me, "Do you know why you are a true artist." I think I replied with something dumb like "Uh, cause I live to paint." She smiled gently and said "Yes, but mostly because you see beyond reality." I must have had a quizzical look on my face because she laughed and said "You notice things. Not just what you see but the emotion of the moment and that means a lot. Never forget that."

I keep these kind words close to me. When I have messed up or when I am having a hard time- its like opening an unexpected card from a friend- I hear the words again "You see beyond reality." And in that moment life is beautiful again...

This Is My Message To The World, Just Trying To Reach Every Boy and Girl...

mural in newport beach, ca

I had nothing to write about since I seem to have exhausted my topics in my blogging fury. So my sister had a good idea to write out songs with the emotions that I associated them with, so here you go:

- Happy- Way of the Light- The Gift of Gab
"Just like a sudden rush flowing through soul now
Just like a certain someone that I wanna get at - hey
Everythings all right now
When you're living in the light now
Way of the light..."

- Rage- Home- Three Days Grace
"No matter how hard I try
You're never satisfied
This is not a home
I think I'm better off alone"

- Pimp- Rubberband Man- The Spinners
"Hey, y’all prepare yourself
For the Rubberband man
You never heard a sound
Like the rubberband man
You’re bound to lose control
When the Rubberband starts to jam"

- Energized- Could You Be Loved- Bob Marley
"Don't let them change you
Or even rearrange you, Oh No
We've got a life to live
They say only, only
Only the fittest of the fittest shall survive
Stay alive"

- Lonely- Under the Bridge- Red Hot Chili Peppers
"Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel that my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angels
Lonely as I am- together we cry"

- Introspective- Let Go- Frou Frou
"So let go
Jump in
Oh, well what are you waiting for?
Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, its so amazing"

- Sad- I Don't Want To Be Me- Amanda Clemmons
"I'm not feeling so bold
Can't you see I don't want to grow old
And my photograph's an epitaph for parody
I don't want to be me"

And before you ask- Pimp is an emotion...

And My Photograph Is An Epitaph For Parody...

succulents- yeah Lo that's right I said succulents...

I am listening to Manu Chao right now. It makes me want to run away and be free, which is a powerful feeling. So where should I go? Hmmm... not sure, but hopefully I dream of a new place tonight.

But until then- here are some songs that I am feeling right now (in no apparent order):

- Brother- The Organ
- Minha Galera- Manu Chao
- I Don't Want To Be Me- Amanda Clemmons
- Daylight- Aesop Rock
- Higher Ground- Stevie Wonder
- Love Rollercoaster- Red Hot Chili Peppers
- Against All Odds- The Postal Service
- Look What You've Done- Jet
- Gasolina- Daddy Yankee

These are the songs I am into right now- for reals- I just like a wide variety of music. Let me know if anything peaks your interest- I'll hook you up with a cd.

Today Is The Shadow of Tommorow...

mural in santa ana, ca

This weekend the word was attitude. Or if you prefer- ATTITUDE- for some reason (I think I was tired) I had a major attitude. Several situations that should have been no big deal grated on my every last nerve and all I wanted to do was yell. Yeah, not really sure why all the hostility- but I do know enough that when I feel like that, I should really just sequester myself in my room cause no good can come from it. Sometimes, I want to figure things out by myself and sort my head out. So thats what this weekend was about. I thought about my goals (of which there are many) and my aspirations (lots of those too). It seems that I still want to do everything. Sigh... No surprise there. But I did figure out what I need to get a booth at the swap meet- and that is a good thing. So if nothing else- I tried to give myself some room to breathe this weekend- and I feel better.

See I Reckon You About An 8 or a 9, Maybe Even 9 1/2 In Four Beers Time...

tree in blossom in Santa Ana, CA

This week was incredibly long. I had a mess of work to do- which is always fun. Sometimes when I get up in the morning I wish it was 5pm already so I can watch tv. Want to know why? Alright, no sense in having a guessing game. On O (Oxygen channel) they play reruns of Living Single. I love that show. I have found that my evening is so much more pleasant when I get to watch Living Single for an hour. For reals its very relaxing besides the fact that it is funny. Now that Scrubs is coming out on dvd, I want Living Single to come out too. Who do I have to bug to put that in motion? Huh?

Finding Out My Way Some How, Darkness Will Not Be My Guide...

Dinner in Running Springs (look snow!)

I am sorer (if thats a word) than a mother. Yoga is no joke. Let me warn all of you who don't know- yoga hurts. I was stretching things that have never moved before- and believe me I was not happy this morning as I inched myself to the shower. But to be honest- once you start doing some form of exercise it isn't half bad. And for all the whining I do- I kinda like the pain of it. Besides my sister always says, "pain is weakness leaving the body." And yeah I feel that.

We Just Can't Be Amazed, Even If You Pull The Pin From Your Hand Grenade...

I like it when my grandma's friends come and visit after dinner and they settle themselves in a chair at the table. Cause in a few minutes the room is infused with gossip and spanglish and sounds of "Ay No", "Andalepues" and "On Mondee or was it Tuesdee?..". They drink cafe con leche or tea and a gallon of honey (thats my grandma) and suppose what is going on in their ring of friends. I say suppose because they never know for sure what is going on. They throw out possible scenarios like "I think that house is empty, cause the roses are never pruned." And then they challenge each others hypotheses until they come to a conclusion that may or not be correct.

People Say I'm Too Pretty To Spit Rhymes This Gritty...

Mural on the wall of heaven or hell depending on how you look at it (Amoeba Records in LA)

I have been obsessed with finding a record player lately. Its not that I want to be able to mix or anything- actually that would be tight- I just want to be able to hear the richness that vinyl offers. Now if I can only find space in my overly crowded room. Damn you clutter....

I Hate You So Much Right Now...

chili y nopales

Note to self: Never watch Rocky I and II, get inspired and then try to jump rope (take five minutes to remember how to do it) then realize that it isn't as easy as the movies make it look and come to understand why you haven't worked out in years....

I am going to be sore in the morning... good times.....Although I am going to try tommorow too. I think it may all stem from wanting to be Rocky.

You Give Me That Funny Feeling In My Tummy...

one of the many plants in my backyard...

S: But how will I know if you like me?
J: You'll know
S: No but really- how will I be able to tell?
J: Hmm... If I really like you, I will burn a cd just for you
S: Really?
J: Yeah...
S: What songs will be on it?
J: That depends on how I feel about you and what you like
S: Ohhh.. I see. I want a cd
J: Ha- we'll see
S: I mean I hope I get one
J: I hope you do too (smiles...)

All I Ever Wanted Was To Pick Apart The Day- Put The Pieces Back Together My Way...

hibiscus out my window taunting me cause I am stuck inside at work...

Just here thinking that as always I am overwhelmed by the things that I want to do and should do. Too many thoughts in my brain. I want to: start getting up earlier in the morning- (yeah that will happen), eat healthier, actually take pictures of the OC like I said I would, do more artwork, finish my sketches for the t-shirts I am working on, focus on my business, do something other than put my hair in a bun every morning, go to bed earlier than 1 or 2, hang out with my friends and the list goes on.....

I am thinking I can tackle all of that this weekend- Don't you think?

Now Let Us Drink The Stars, It's Time To Steal Away, Let's Go Get Lost...

Almost There (to the mountains that is)

For some reason I really like taking pictures from a moving car. There seems to be a force creating cool images outside when I am least ready for them. I could be outside for an hour and I don't see anything interesting. But if I am driving then I see 15 different things that I want to capture with my camera. Must be because I am moving faster than I can when I am walking. Or maybe it is impatience. Ah, yea impatience... It plagues me...