And If You Were With Me Tonight, I'd Sing To You Just One More Time, A Song For A Heart So Big, God Wouldn't Let It Live...

Songs that I can't get enough of:

Testify- Common

Music- Leela James

Hey Mama- Kanye West

Witness (1 Hope)- Roots Manuva

Rebellion (Lies)- Arcade Fire

These songs are distracting me from what I can't help but obsess about. Tomorrow will be 2 years since my dad died. The anniversary of his death. It should get easier right? I am hoping that it does.

I have been having very vivid dreams this week. They are mostly continuations too which is weird for me. I keep dreaming about getting a little lost in a dense fog and as I turn wildly tring to see anything- I hear my dad's voice. He says, "Just focus, Jaclyn". And I catch a glimpse of him. And smell a mixture of concrete and Jergens lotion. And then he's gone. And the fog lifts. I wake up- and feel a little empty. But not as bad as before. My heart is together- fractured but not fully broken. Cause he is happy. Thats what I remember the most. I feel his happiness as the fog lifts. And that makes me happy. I hope you are playing soccer, eating sushi, watching football and listening to music. I hope you are happy... Cause God, do Lauren and I miss you.