October 2005 Archives

off the 101 fwy

I took a half day off on Wednesday and did some errands for Voz and then hit the Mainplace mall. It was nice to be off during the day. Lets be honest, its nice to be able to go outside during daylight hours. Funny when you don't have anywhere really to be, you can be one of those annoying mall walkers that wanders side to side and blocks others in a hurry. Normally I hate those people, because I am always rushing around them. But thats what I was on Wednesday. A damn mall walker.

And I noticed that when you have time- people can be quite nice. I spoke with this guy in Hot Topic for like half an hour- about all sorts of things like tattoos and piercings, what he was going to be for Halloween, what he wanted to do with his life. And then I was in the Body Shop and I spoke with this girl for a couple of minutes about her college classes. Funny... I am usually in and out in a blur. When you take a little time you have a much more rewarding shopping experience. Good to know.

Plumeria

What I am eating- vegetable soup (My mom and I started weight watchers- hated it- its good)

What I am reading- The Republic of East LA- Luis Rodriguez

What I am watching- Dead Like Me 2nd season

What I am listening to- Blue Orchid- The White Stripes

church off of Sunset, LA

Most days I rush around in the morning. I speed to get ready and then speed to work. But the street behind my work always makes me slow down if only a little bit. There in the morning you can see people going about their business as usual. I always feel like I am spying on them- even though I am just flying by. I have begun to recognize these people. One lady uses a walker and a disablity bus picks her up to go to physical therapy at a nearby hospital. An old man has his cafe con leche outside near the orange trees in his yard. He always sips it tenatively holding onto his old mug with two hands. A 60ish woman waters her plants with curlers still on her head. A middle aged man waits for someone from work to pick him up- he stands on the corner with his cowboy hat on with his old duck taped ice chest- sometimes he is eating a burrito.

To outsiders we must all look like this. Ants scurrying around- creating tunnels and working and so on. Creating our mazes.

pampas grass on the side of the 101

I was so productive this weekend. There was a fruitful trip to Amoeba Records- for Christmas presents- a dinner at Cheebo's- a trip to the bookstore. I made magnets and Voz scarves and cleaned the hell out of my room. Things are falling into place. Slowly but surely everything gets done. And I am so ahead of my Christmas shopping- its madness. There will be no repeat of last year (painting until the morning of Christmas eve) and scrambling to wrap everything before I left for my grandparent's house.

Yeah, I know its only October- but if you had the list of people that I have- then you would understand. Besides I love to buy stuff for other people. Its a challenge.

"There is so much good music out there" is a sentence that my dad and I used to say all the time. Then we would share what we had been listening to. Its always true. I enjoy that people are letting their creativity find a place in the world- be it through music, art, dance etc. I think thats what everyone who has the thought should do. Find a creative outlet and let it out into the world. The world will be a more gentle place if people gave themselves permission to create regardless of the outcome.

Blury PCH

Sunday was a great day. We went to see the Basquiat exhibit- the day before it closed. I swear I am not being melodramatic when I say that it brought tears to my eyes. Its an indescrible feeling- to see something so full of thought and yet not contrived. To view the colors and the pain. I am so happy that we got to see it.

Then later that night, I saw Green Day with my cousin. And damn Billy Joe ran all over that stage. It was probably the most entertaining concert that I have ever been too. At one point they yelled out that they had been a band for 17 years. My cousin pointed out that she hadn't been alive that long (she will be 17 in April)- sad that they were around when I was in junior high. Getting old man....

So Sunday I was inspired musically and artistically. I needed some inspirations- sometimes you find yourself just going along trying to get everything done. I feel a artistically recharged from this weekend. I am ready to get back to my art. And more furniture designs. And the stickers and scarves that are lagging. More shirt designs and home creations. Whew, here we go again...

My brother Gabriel and his fiance Naoko

Saturday we had a party for Gabriel and Naoko's engagement. Don't they look so cute- and happy- yes, very happy. Naoko's parents came from Japan and are very sweet. The party was a huge sucess... And in late April we will fly to Hawaii to their wedding which I am sure will be beautiful. So Congrats to Naoko and Gabe...

Songs that I can't get enough of:

Testify- Common

Music- Leela James

Hey Mama- Kanye West

Witness (1 Hope)- Roots Manuva

Rebellion (Lies)- Arcade Fire

These songs are distracting me from what I can't help but obsess about. Tomorrow will be 2 years since my dad died. The anniversary of his death. It should get easier right? I am hoping that it does.

I have been having very vivid dreams this week. They are mostly continuations too which is weird for me. I keep dreaming about getting a little lost in a dense fog and as I turn wildly tring to see anything- I hear my dad's voice. He says, "Just focus, Jaclyn". And I catch a glimpse of him. And smell a mixture of concrete and Jergens lotion. And then he's gone. And the fog lifts. I wake up- and feel a little empty. But not as bad as before. My heart is together- fractured but not fully broken. Cause he is happy. Thats what I remember the most. I feel his happiness as the fog lifts. And that makes me happy. I hope you are playing soccer, eating sushi, watching football and listening to music. I hope you are happy... Cause God, do Lauren and I miss you.

Santa Ana

I must remind myself to stop asking people's opinions. I should just do what I want and stand back and let people say what they will. Because every time I am excited and I ask what someone thinks- I am sorely disappointed and hurt. I create this exchange- and I want to stop it now. I will not ask permission to create. I will simply create from my being and then stand by it like "Hell yeah I made that and don't you wish you knew what was in my head when I did." I will surround my work with a shroud of mystery and only answer questions for a chosen few. Cause when someone says something negative, I take it to heart. I can't separate my art from me- that is me and I am it. So it seems that I should guard it accordingly. Hold onto it a little tighter but not too much so that it can't breathe. But just right...

clouds near my house

Slowly but surely everything is getting done. I have bursts of crazy energy and then bouts of lethargy. Ups and downs come full circle. I smile on the outside, cry on the inside then do the opposite the next minute. Life is a circle- I tell myself. Yesterday was good and full of promise. Today sucks and to be honest is full of shit. Sometimes the stress of carrying people and making things right is too much. And I dream of jumping into the ocean just to feel alive. I may do that soon.

But tommorow is another day and I never know what will come next.

Almost to Laguna

This weekend was good- check my weekend list:

1. Went to Ameoba and bought way too much music
a. Blackalicious- The Craft
b. Eyedea & Abilities
c. De La Soul- The Grind Date
d. Common- Be
e. Lateef & The Chief: Maroons- Ambush

2. Saw my cousin Meghan before she left for Costa Rica for a quarter

3. Voz Clothing & Art is officially up and running- our t-shirt line (Lauren and I)- you know you need a shirt...

4. We had four cocker spaniels in the house (Jazz, Bella, Abby and the baby of the buch Besos). Who doesn't like that many dogs?

5. My grandma made black beans- I love some black beans man

6. We made our fist web order- shout out to Dave...