Caught Up In Circles, Confusion Is Nothing New...
glass in the celing in front of the glass museum in Tacoma, WA
I am not happy about this at all! I am not a girl! Well, maybe I am a girl but it sucks anyway. See, most of the time I think of myself as a quasi-boy. I think because I shun certain feelings and hate dressing up in anything that doesn't have legs (yes, skirts and dresses uh) that I am overtly masculine. In all honesty, I am not. There is no denying it that I am a woman-I'm not butch and most people cannot tell that I am a dyke (yes, I said that- and its all good)- but most of the time I just don't see it.
I'm not sure if it was because of my upbringing or what but I have never had any desire to be in love. I have come close but then the walls that I have made slam back and I have yet to challenge them. And I figured that I was ok with that, which I am. But yesterday after reading this book about unrequitted love, I realized that maybe I should take down these walls. See this is what I am unhappy about- cause I was happy in my ignorant bliss. And now that I know that I am not an aloof boy (who bought that anywayz, right?) I have to deal with crappy feelings that would otherwise make me ill. What should I do? I am truly making myself sick- ewww and to top it off I have been having really pleasant dreams, so unlike the violent if not colorful ones that I am used to.
Hmmm, maybe the world is ending or maybe my heart is unthawing- I'll let you know when I figure it out....
Wow, that must be some book to have an impact on you. What book were you reading. I guess we can't stay ignorant forever huh? Maybe it's part of turning the big 2-4 getting close to a quarter of a century. I think we talked about being vulnerable before and how tough it is. I guess we have to take chances sometimes instead of the easy way out. Otherwise we'll never know the big payoff.