January 2005 Archives

Alright then here are some things that I feel the need to comment on: (not that it matters- but I'd thought I would let you know)

- Can Kirstie Alley be any more obnoxious on those Jenny Craig commercials- I mean I usually think she is a little funny- but damn I am tired of that commercial.

- I guess you can be a bad actor and have a star on the on the walk of fame- tell me why Keanu Reeves has a star- damn I think Moe and I should have a star then.

- Hot 97 in New York has some issues- first making fun of Aaliyah's death and now a song making fun of the tsunami that hit Asia- they should fire the morning show.

- How creepy is that commercial for Starbursts- you know the one where the guy makes a sculpture of a girl's head and then chomps on her nose (all with Lionel Richie's song- Hello in the background- I do enjoy that song though)......

Dang, its cold in Flagstaff. Funny how it warm here- sorry Lauren... This is NAU's web cam- looks a little blizzardy- don't you think?

While driving home yesterday, I saw a junior mint (like 15 or 16 year olds) latino couple hugging by the bus stop. It was like a flashback to the 90s. The kids were in old school cholo and chola wear. The guy had long khaki shorts with long white socks pulled up so no leg was showing and a pendleton shirt buttoned at the top. The girl was wearing jeans and a burgandy top which in itself is normal- but she had on brick red lipstick and no eyebrows save for the lines she drew herself with an eyebrow liner and thickly black lined eyes. I haven't seen that complete look for years. I kinda miss the 90s in that way.

I think I miss the comfort of the clothes because everything was a little more exaggerated- and the pants were crazy baggy. I remember having a pair of pants the would fall to the floor if I didn't use a belt. Nowadays guys and girls wear really tight jeans. Guys have even taken to wearing girl jeans which is just weird. How can you move and be comfortable in such tight jeans. Yeah, I know its the style- sad to say that my younger brother has tight jeans to which I always respond "You look tight, tight like a tiger!!!" (Austin Powers in case you were wondering)- which prompts the two-minute eye roll from him. Funny cause I am the inventor of the two-minute eye roll and now I am causing someone else to use it. But back to the subject- which is loosely the fact that I miss comfortable clothes. Someone bring back baggy ass pants and shirts- the bigger the better. Don't you think- tight pants on guys is not so attractive....

But I am glad that I no longer feel the need to wear darkly outlined brick red lipstick- thank god....

Does anyone else love Homies as much as I do. I used to have a lot of them- where did they go?....

The clouds are puffy against the blue sky today and it made me think of the game we used to play as kids. You know it- the one where you lay on the prickly grass and stare at the passing clouds and find shapes in the clouds. I used to find things like bears fishing for salmon and make up a little story about them- (yes, I did and still have an overactive imagination). Today I looked up (I couldn't lay on the grass- I am at work) and saw a horse running and a couple of willow trees swept to the side of a pasture. Does that mean that I want to run free today- or maybe its just my imagination... Or is it that someone should buy me a horse...Just thinking today...

Oh, I almost forgot- to Sarah from the bay area- thanks for checking the website and my blog-and I got your answers to your questions.

Yes, most of my blog entries are song lyrics. I think only 7 aren't and they were mostly in my beginning posts.

The artist's whose lyrics I use the most are in this order:
1. Outkast- with 12 entries
2. Sublime- with 7
3. The Gift of Gab- with 5
4. K-os- with 5 as well

Now if someone could tell me which titles these were I would reward you handsomely- meaning you will get a fat prize!

Happy Birthday to my moms. Feliz Cumpleanos a ti. She is in Vegas right now. Hope her birthday brings her luck and maybe she can bring a little a ittle something, something home...

I was up at 5 this morning and the fog was intense. It poured down the foothills of the mountains and settled over Orange. I could barely see through it and so was going 30 miles an hour. At this slow pace I realized that I would soon pass through the fog and reach a point of clarity. Which is life in a silly metaphor. I may be in a patch of cloud right now but I can wait it out until I reach the clear in the road. All I have to do is be patient and move forward. No more dwelling on past mistakes and regrets. I know things will work out- they always do...

I had a panic attack yesterday brought on by nothing but my crazy self. I felt a rush of panic sweep over me as I accused myself of being too old to be doing secretarial work- when it is not what I want to be doing, not starting things that I want to do, having a degree in psychology that I have no intention of using, and not having a solid plan for my future.

All of which is very silly because I am twenty-three, an age where I can figure out what I want to do with my life. I have decided that the one thing that makes me utterly happy is to paint and so I vow to update this website with new artwork. I am also interested in going into business for myself- which I am going to be pursuing. But no one starts out at the top and how many artists have had day jobs while they work when they get a chance on their true passion. As for psychology, after the year of my dad's death and other issues, I have decided that I would get too emotionally involved in any type of psychology right now. And I actually didn't like the way it played into our government system. Not that people don't get helped- I just realized that it was not for me. And I am ok with this now.

I have realized that I may never be a millionare (unless the lotto comes into play) but I never thought I would be. I give things too easily (money... Why does it have to be like that?). My only hopes are to be happy (and I think I am), to be pleased with my creations and to leave my artistic mark on the world.

Exhale.....
Everything is going to be all right.....

I was going to post my ever present list of things that I am feeling, but I ended up questioning some of the things that I am feeling so I thought I would take a backwards approach. To that effect I am going to start a new type of list- the Why do I list....

Why do I?....

1. Like Jennifer Lopez's new song and video for Get Right?
Could it be that J.Lo dresses up like a old school chola in the video, or that the song reminds me of her Living Color Days or that a little girl sings at the end of the song....

2. Like the Video for Gwen Stefani's song Rich Girl-
Notice how I said that I liked the video. The song itself is horrible- there are some redeeming parts but no one should ever sing a part from Fiddler on the Roof and make it into a pop song. The video actually is great- I suggest putting your tv on mute while watching it though...

3. Watch Chasing Liberty, 50 First Dates and Love Actually all the time...
HBO is messing with me. These movies are always on, and me being the looser that I am, I feel like I have to watch them whenever they are on...

4. Like Chris Isaak's song, Life Will Go On?
Again I have no answer, I suspect its because I have been watching Chasing Liberty for awhile. Really sad...

5. Wish that May 17th was tommorow?
Ok, I know the answer to that one. The first season of Scrubs is out on DVD that day. For reals...

Due to my freaked out computer I haven't really been allowed to post much of anything. This lack of posting may also be because I was given several books as Christmas presents as well as a Barnes and Nobles' gift card. So I have been immersed in words that I had forgotten I could comprehend and its exciting. Reading really is better when you don't have a deadline or a paper that depends on it.

When I started during Christmas I noticed that I was rusty and that I couldn't read as fast as I had remembered. But four books later and I am up to my previous level. See its not enough to read for me- I have to finish because I have a hard time concentrating on anything else if I still have a book that is half way done. So here is the short list of books that I have read this Winter.

1. Scar Tissue- Anthony Kiedis
I am a big fan of the Red Hot Chili Peppers and it was an interesting read- but most of all it was a really sad portrayal of a druggie who just can't stop.

2. Don't Try this at Home- Dave Navarro
A year in the life of another druggie but with the bizarreness (is that even a word?) of Dave Navarro- although I do enjoy his sarcastic humor.

3. Hairstyles of The Damned- Joe Meno
Its about punk, teenage drama and the usual social outcast high school days. Not bad but not the greatest either.

4. Down These Mean Streets- Piri Thomas
This book has always been on my list of things to do. It chronicles Piri's life as a Puerto Rican in a time of social unrest. Thirty years later and things may not have changed much... I highly recommend this book.

Now that the rain has stopped I should start to work on my art and all of the goals that I have for myself, but its just so tempting to read another book...

So I think my computer at home is having a little breakdown. Too much holiday stress I tell you. Now if only there was a computer fixin' fairy or elf (or another skilled mythical creature- at this point who cares) who would fix my computer whenever it was tripping out. Just a thought.....

Negative people try to sting me with their comments again. And I am here trying to make sense of it (yet again). Then again its silly to try to figure out why people can't be supportive and why I continue to try with people who are into the "you ain't shit philosophy."

For those of you who have never heard of this negative type of re-enforcement-let me explain. "You ain't shit" means "you aren't anything special, you won't amount to anything, and who cares if you are sucessful cause you'll never be anything to me." Its verbal equivalent of the sad image of a bucket full of crabs- here you are trying to get out and you can't because your bucket-mates want to keep you down in the bucket with them (true story, I watch Animal Planet). So that you suffer the same fate as them. You don't make it and it makes them feel better cause they were right "YOU AIN'T SHIT"- see it hurts...

I have learned firsthand that this attitude which in best terms is supposed to keep you humble, is nothing other than jealous people trying to keep you down. Interestingly enough this mentatlity works- I used to think that I had no talent in anything because every time that I achieved something worth merit, I was told in simple terms "so, you still ain't shit."

It has only been recently that I have realized that maybe I am somebody. Maybe this is a given in most people's lives, but negativity had been drilled into me for so long, that it is only now that I truly believe that I am worth something. This is not to sadden anyone- its just the truth.

So to all those people out there (and if you are honest with yourself- you know its wrong) who keep trying to reel me in with plastic smiles, only to hit me with the "you ain't shit" attitude- I have news for you. I don't want or need you. So get over it and consider me a lost cause- I refuse to keep my head down in submission anymore. I am finally happy and I suggest you try to be the same. And with that I'm out... Suckas!!!! (yea, that is a little childish, but then again so is making a little kid feel bad cause they dare to dream of something bigger).....

Poor Jazzy- she did some heavy New Year's Eve partying.....

I was going to write this all encompassing Christmas/New Years post but I decided against it. Instead I will be selfish and list my wants for 2005.

For 2005:

10. Most importantly, I will strive to be better in relationships ( I apologize to all of you who have experienced my short-comings personally- you know who you are). I realize now that although I would have done anything for you- I failed to give myself fully and that was probably the most important. I can only hope to learn and get better with every chance I take.

Happy New Years....

Oh yeah, since I did get a digital camera for Christmas- I want to take real pictures of the so-called "OC" and show people that its not all about the rich and opulent.