Jackie's Blog

Scar Tissue That I Wish You Saw, Sarcastic Mr. Know It All...

So yeah I am still in Arizona with my sister. It has been fun (and cold at night- lol- 58 degrees). We saw Garden State last night. I loved this movie. I like Zach Braff (i.e. goofy main guy from the tv show Scrubs) and Natalie Portman- so I was intrigued but I really had no idea what it was about. Actually, it is kinda hard to explain. All I can say is Andrew (Zach Braff) goes on a little journey of finding his true feelings in his hometown of New Jersey for a week. I highly reccomend it. My sister and her friends were collectively happy after seeing it.

On a side note- I am kinda sad that I am not in California right now- Has anyone noticed that the Lotto is at 99 Million. Someone please buy me a ticket. You know I want to win. Unless, no one wins Saturday. Then maybe I can win on Wednesday....

Now I'm Free, Free Fallin'...

So I am on vacation this week- so to speak anywayz. I am basically trying to finish the six or so pieces of furniture that have been hanging over my head. I have a bedside table, a vanity, a stool, and two more bedsire tables that have been commissioned by friends. So yeah I have my work cut out for me. Someone pray that I get my act together and do my stuff. Dang- I just realized I left my best CDs in my sister's car- uhhhhhhhhh now how am I going to get my work done?

On Thursday I do get to go to Flagstaff though. Road Trippin up to Northern Arizona to take my sister back to school NAU. Maybe I should runaway and stay there with Jazz. Might be cool for a couple of weeks. But after that I may miss major things like an actual city instead of a town and a sizeable mall. Speaking of mall- I was in Mainplace the other day and I saw a store called Chicano Style. I'm happy that there are finally stores that cater to Latinos. Its a start....

I Think I'm Going to Fall Over...

The picture above is of Mums- he is a poet and has been seen on the HBO special Def Poetry Jam and Oz- you knew he looked familiar, right. If you haven't watched Def Poetry Jam you should. Its on HBO- I think usually later on at night like around 11.

I highly recommend it. Russell Simmons brings some of the tightest spoken word artists together to provoke thought and other emotions, besides the fact that Mos Def hosts the show and often drops some of his lines on stage too. Collectively, its really good to see a group of individuals that are so different and yet want to get their message out. I appreciate the diversity of thought and ethnicity.

I was thinking that I would abandon my art projects and become a Def Poet but I realized that although I talk a lot- I really don't have any spoken word skills. I bet Moe Moe would though- for reals- that girl's poetry is beautiful. So, because I can't participate in the spoken word movement- I have decided that Mr. Simmons- or Russell as I call him should start another Def Jam project. Yeah!!!!

It should be called Def Artist Jam- alright so the name is kind of lame (dang, I rhymed) but I think it would be cool to document struggling artists with a small segment. I for one would watch it. It would be interesting to see new and older approaches to art and then you can get a little biography of the artist. Come on Russell you know you want to do it. And you know that you want to feature yours truly. You know....

I Know Nobody Knows, Where it Comes and Where it Goes...

I was watching a special on Latino communities and their mindset and it occured to me that Latinos deal with a lot of emotional trauma. Minorities do in general. In college my favorite class was Ethnic Psych because it dealt with the feelings of minorites. I think my favorite study is when psychologists showed 30 African American men and women a 30 second tape showing verbal harrassment and a 30 second tape showing physical harrassment of African Americans.

They found that by just showing the tape with the verbal harrassment by white men and women to the African American participants- their blood pressure went up significantly. The psychologists then correlated the rise in blood pressure to the stress factor a minority deals with. Novel idea I know. But to the psychologists this was amazing. They had never thought that being a minority was stressful and hard. See upon noticing that African American men had high instances of hyper tension, they decided to do the study again but to focus on African American men. They hypothesized dumb things like "the reason that African Americans in general have high blood pressure is because culturally they eat fried foods"- you know where this is going. Then they did full lab tests and physicals- no such factors seemed to have a difference. So they tested the video tapes again- it now seemed that African American men were stressed while watching abuse done to other African Americans.

This may sound self-explanatory- but not so if you aren't a minority. Because if you aren't a minority- then you haven't really been exposed to racism and its effects on the body and the mind.

I was reminded of this study a couple of months ago when Moe Moe's then roommate said that she didn't believe that racism exists. Lol- which of course made me laugh. But I guess depending on who you are and what you have experienced, racism can be a subjective thing. It has been a very real and harrowing thing for me, but its never an issue for others. Too bad we can't go back to pre-school when all that mattered was that you had to the share the toys and you got nap time too. I don't think that I ever took advantage of my nap time come to think of it. I was too busy coloring on the cot...

Who Would Dance, on the Floor, in The Round...

So, yeah I know that I always talk about the various ideas that always pop into my head whenever I am not paying attention. But this time instead of complaining about all the ideas that distract me from ever starting anything, I think I will list the ideas so that they can seem more manageable. Bear in mind these ideas may not be that cool- I just need to get them out of my head so that I can prioritize my projects- and they aren't in order either.

1. I want to make purses based on hip hop symbols like headphones, spray cans etc. The purses will be made out of brightly colored fabrics with hip hop motifs embroidered and skulls embroidered on them.

10. I want to create a table that is in the shape of a rectangle- but when you get closer you realize that it can be taken apart in puzzle pieces and used on their own.

I have more ideas but I am getting a little sleepy now- so I better get to bed. On a side note, Grandma and I went thriftin tonight and found a nice solid bedside table for Garland (my sister's friend) to take to school in September. This lady at a Goodwill in Costa Mesa wanted $8.99 for a rickety beat up side table. Ha- I got this heavier bedside table with two drawers for $5.99. Oh for all of your information, I like Goodwill better than most other Thrift Stores. The furniture is usually pretty good and its cheaper than Salvation Army and Choc.

*************Sleep***************

I've Been Patiently Waiting...

Above, you will see a picture of Talib Kweli. He is one of my favorite musical artists. His new CD comes out (finally- why did people have to tease me with false release dates) on September 28th. Lets just say that I have been patiently waiting....

There are certain music artists who inspire people and who through their creativity try to make a statement to the world. This type of message is hard in a business that is ruled by big whigs who may or may not know anything about the true artistry music should be but so often isn't. As a musician, it is difficult enough to get a music label to allow true creativity- in their minds, there are other things to think about. Why allow creativity when there are the so many other important things (yeah right) like: billboard music charts, ratings, tours, Mtv appearances and mutli-platnium status. Sad that true musicians and artists are hard to find. All of these stifling rules not only apply to rock and pop music but especially to hip hop, which is a shame. What saddens me is the same beat having, the bling bling and the message of "C.R.E.A.M." (Cash Rules Everything Around Me). Now don't get it twisted, I am all for artists getting the money that is due to them. But if I have to hear one more song that sounds like it has been made in the "we need a hit- formula" I fear that I may snap.

I used to think- I am more interested in the production and the beat of the song. But now I understand that I was only interested in those things because the lyrics lacked any feeling or actual thought. Talib Kweli has been called a "thinking man's rapper" and to that I agree. In actuality he is a lyricist- not a rapper- sometimes I hate that term. I can only say that I really admire his conviction and true loyalty to his craft. If you have never heard of Talib- let me know and I will provide you with a copy of his CDs. As a result of him (and many others) I am a mad fan of socially conscious hip hop. HIP HOP WITH A SOUL.

I'm A Lover Not A Fighter, But I'll Knock Your Teeth...

Every now and then I feel like someone has kicked my ass and I am left on the floor. I have been feeling that way this week. I feel like I want to be Rocky and sometimes I feel that I am- I just need a little time. Today I felt like I was barely hanging in there. Like Rocky, I was leading with my head and Mick had to cut my eye so that I could see. Lol- yeah maybe I took it too far.

The way I figure it "Life" is not really a secret. It is however, somewhat like a test. Sometimes you bomb out- sometimes you do so-so and sometimes you succeed. My intent is to succeed- but sometimes I get frustrated and I feel like throwing the damn test out. But I guess that wouldn't do. So I pick myself up and try again- and obstacles always get in the way. What is important is how you handle the obstacles that are thrown your way. I feel that I am still trying to figure out how not to fall so hard when I encounter something hard. I am hoping that I will get better with experience. On a positive note- I am really trying to make sense out of my current obstacles and am trying to fight them. See I have always felt that I was a fighter- although sometimes I fight more internally than I do externally. I need to work on that.

If it is one thing that I have learned from graduating college- it is that with more knowledge comes the realization that I know so little- so it may seem that I am on a quest for knowledge about myself and my relationship with the world. I never had the time to really sit back and think about in school. So I guess now is as good time as any for true self reflection. I'll let you know what I come up with.

And I promise better blogs for next week...