July 2004 Archives

Ahhhh. I am so frustrated today. I have been trying to draw designs for the Conscious Peoples line of t-shirts, but my ideas always look better in my head. I have gone through a ream of paper at least and besides not being able to draw- now I am a tree killer. Hated It!!!! Sorry about all the ranting and raving but I have some really good ideas that I would wear as a consumer but the drawings look lame and so I don't even want to try to fix it. Yes, I am a big baby- because I bet that most people won't know the difference and still think its ok- but I am a perfectionist.

Here are a few ideas that I am toying with to put on the t-shirts:

1. A drawing of a human heart with the life line across it but instead of being labeled as life line, it is labeled as "bass line"

7. The four elements of hip hop with the caption - "Brave the Elements"

There are other ideas but as I was typing them, I relaized that they were just plain dumb.... Oh well..... Oh and to those of you who don't know what the elements of hip hop are. They are as follows: breaking (break dancing) characterized by adidas sneakers, Graffitti- spraycan, Mcing (mic), and Djing (turntable).

Let me know what you think about these t-shirt ideas. Do you guys like any idea more than another one?

In case you haven't heard this week is shark week. If you don't know what shark week is- you better ask somebody! Just playing. Shark week is when the Discovery Channel has a week where at 8 every night they play documentaries featuring different sharks and or shark experiences. I think I have watched this since I was in elementary school. I wait every year with high anticipation for shark week to start.

Last night's segment was particularily impressive. Not only were there divers who were diving freely with great whites (they were diving outside of the cage that people are normaly in- scary...) but one guy rode the great white as if it were a dolphin. He grabbed onto the dorsal fin of the shark and then hung on as the shark swam. What was interesting was that the shark didn't even try to bite him or throw him off. It just swam a little bit harder as if to compensate for the extra weight on its back. All in all it was very interesting.

I always thought that it would be fun to go a on a big boat to South Africa (where the great white sharks jump out of the water like dolphins) and throw chum in the water and see what pops up. Does anyone else want to go with me? Good times...

As for the movie line quiz- I will post the answers Thursday or Friday. Looks like Moe Moe and Melinda are winning.

In the spirit of the quiz with the song lyrics i have decided to do another quiz but with lines from movies. That being said- here are a few lines from my favorite movies- hopefully these ones are harder so that my sister can't get all the answers right away. So here we go- and remember if you guess the most right you can get a prize. Ask Moe Moe and Lauren- the prizes are good.

1. "You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder!"

25. "I didn't like anything you did for Caroline's wedding, but I like this dress. This dress is nice!"

See "easy peesy lemon squeezy"- try to think about what kind of movies that I like. I did most of my favorites and I tried to keep them funny- so yeah there aren't any Oscar Winners up in this piece. :) Good luck with all of that.

I was going to write about my trip to Rosarito this weekend or make a list of movie quotes that would require you readers to particiapte or even make a list of things that I am feeling right now but the only ideas that kept popping into my head were ones of my Grandma. The huge picture above is a recent photo of mi abuela and my cousin Cindy. Sorry about the size of the picture- I am not a computer genius- which seems to be obvious :).

My grandma is one of the nicest people you would ever want to meet. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body and is always trying to take care of someone. She is 82 years old and still drives around with more energy than people half her age. There are countless stories I could tell you about her. She provides me with hours of entertainment whether it is intentional or not. Poor grandma- I love to tease her and as a result she has become a little sarcastic. (Sorry...)

This weekend Moe Moe, my mom, Grandma and I went to Rosarito and Puerto Nuevo. I think the actual purpose of this trip was to eat lobster- sad but true. But I did get some good pictures of graffiti- so thats a good thing too. Anyway, to get back on point, we ended up waiting in line again for a seat in this one restaurant- Number 1. When we were leaving my mom's house- we told Grandma that we weren't going to wait in that line- and she promptly told us "Well, why did you invite me then!" So of course we told her that we would wait in that damn line. Little did we know that we would be in the line from hell for 2 and a half hours. The funny thing was that Grandma didn't even care that we had to wait that long or that all of the restaurants are virtually the same. She has convinced herself that Number 1 is the best- so we have to wait every time we go there. Honestly, I think it is a ploy to get all the tourists to go there- social psychology tells you that when more people are doing it then everyone will do it regardless if they are waiting to get branded.

So I am telling everyone now I am not ever, ever, ever, ever waiting in that line again. The lobster is good but not worth almost 3 hours. Lol, but I do enjoy that my Grandma was so happy once we were in there. She was all smiles and she's a food snob too- so its amazing that she likes to eat there after all these years.

With that I will leave you with a list of Grandma-isms (phrases that make my Grandma who she is- besides they're funny):

1. Oh Come on!!! (this phrase is used often- if she doesn't belive something or if she wants you to do something that you don't want to do, ex. waiting in line at Number 1)

2. Go to Bed, that way you can get up early!! (She tells me this every night because she doesn't believe in being a night owl- plus I hate gettin up early- I will never be a morning person!)

3. ...God willing!! (Every night after telling me to go to bed- she says "I'll see you in the morning, God willing" just to cover her bases) Por favor a Dios!- is the same thing.

4. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day! (This is the #1 fact that my grandma has in her head- I also hear this every day)

5. Andale pues... (I'm not sure if I am spelling that correctly, but its Spanish for Ok, get on with it. Ex. When on the phone Grandma will say Uhh huh Uh huh Andale pues.... We used to imitate her saying that all the time when were little.

This is just a little taste of who my grandma is- I highly recomend that you meet her. Oh and if you were wondering why all of her isms have exclamation points after them, it is because everyone in my family yells. We never ask anything quietly. A simple question of "Are you going to the store" becomes "Are you going to the store, or what?", which of course is 10 times louder than it has to be.

Alright then- the Laker situation is getting really messed up. I am afraid that I won't be able to even stomach looking at the new team. Uhhhh... So Kobe is staying, which isn't that exciting because dude could be going to jail. I seriously doubt that will happen but then again it did happen in Colorado (way to go Kobe!). So, yeah I am not that thrilled with having Kobe on the team- I think I would rather have Shaq. Yes, he is austentatious and loves himself a little too much- but then again what NBA player doesn't love themself too much. The answer to that question is Derek Fisher who is now going to the Golden State Warriors- good for you Fish. But I am still going to miss him. He kept the team grounded. Who knows whats going to happen now?

The worst news is the arrival of Vlade Divac on the team. I hated this man the first time he was on the Lakers. So I really don't like him now. I have pretty much decided that he is the biggest baby to walk the earth. He cries everytime there is a call and then flops on the court. Sad to say that whenever the Lakers played Sacramento I woud hope that someone woul trample all over him- just to stop his incessant whining. Stupid Flopper! (Big ups to KROQ and Power 106 for supporting my opinion about Vlade)

Sorry that I am venting all of this Laker frustration- but my sister and I were talking about it yesterday and we are just extremely sad that the Lakers are going to be horrible. There are upsides- I do like Gary Payton and Devean George. But needless to say- I AM VERY UPSET. :)

I will try to have a more uplifting or at least a pleasant blog tommorow.

*peace*

So Moe Moe had an idea to do a list where we list what we like and what we hate. I love lists anyway- even if this one is a bit silly and pointless. Here it goes:

10 trivial things that I like:

1. Sleeping on freshly laundered sheets
2. Egg and Nopales burritos
3. Rainy weekends
4. Movies that have a team of people that have to be explained (ex. Oceans 11, Armageddon, Magnificent 7, Silverado)
5. Washing my truck on Sundays in the Summer
6. Shark Week on the Discovery Channel
7. Tug o' War with Jazz
8. Saying things in an accent that sounds like an old Mexican lady
9. Runnning through the sprinklers
10. Reading Group Hug confessions (www.grouphug.us)

10 Trivial Things I Hate:

1. When my blog erases everything that was written before it was saved
2. When Bella tries to bite my toes
3. When people driving are jerks and cut me off
4. When Michaels doesn't have the art supplies that I want
5. When it is too hot in the house and no amount of AC will help
6. When I don't win the lotto
7. When strangers don't say thank you when you open the door for them
8. When Jazz wakes me up at 5 and I have to go to work
9. The Notebook- was it necessary to make such a sad movie
10. Critics who say that movies are good and they really suck (Spiderman 2)

I guess I could go on and on but its not really necessary- you get the gist of ot it. Write down your trivial likes and dislikes- it helps to vent. Not that they really matter anywayz though....

So I have been really distracted this week. I feel really unfocused- so much is in the news with the War in Iraq, Republicans trying to ban Gay Marriage and the virtual destruction of the Lakers. Its all very unnerving. I am usually ambivalent towards the news because I feel things very deeply and if I cared about every litle thing, I know I wouldn't want to get up in the morning. So I half listen to the news but this week I felt I needed to comment.

So the War in Iraq- I am so tired of logging on to my computer and seeing more and more casualties in the news section. What saddens me the most is that President Bush is up in the White House sleeping well and is not even worried about the soldiers who are over there. Who cares about the coming election? I wish I could tell him to worry about what is going on in Iraq. But then again this is the man who killed the most people than any other govenor. Enough with that mess though.

On to the proposed ban on Gay Marriage. I haven't heard one good argument against gay marriage. It all seems based on either tradition (things have never been done this way!) and prejudice. Funny how the Greeks and Romans were highly populated with homosexuals. Yeah, you're right George Bush- homosexuality is a sin (yeah right) but killing people isn't and for that matter neither is having hatred in your heart for others who are different than you. George Bush is an interesting paradox of values that suit his own purposes- which people are but when it hurts a whole country and the world it is very wrong. But in the defense of Gay Marriage- you would think that you would want to see normal values in what Mr. Bush calls a perverse lifestyle. Shouldn't it be a good thing when people you think are backwards want to marry each other out of their love for each other.

The last topic is the once mighty Lakers. I am saddened by this mess with Shaq, Kobe and Phil Jackson. I can understand Phil leaving but Shaq and Kobe. Actually, to be honest I am mostly upset that Derek Fisher is leaving. I will miss him- I loved his defense and his ability to take a charge. I will also miss his goodnatured interveiws. He seemed to be part of the glue that held the Lakers together- and now that he is going- the Lakers will never be the same. They were playing Shaq songs on Power 106 this morning- sad- this lady called in and said she never wanted to hear those songs again cause the Laker dynasty is over. All I could think was that she was right. No more Lakers as I know it.

On a lighter note- I did get the Streets cd and the Ozomatli cd. Both very good- I suggest you get both right away. And if you have slept on Anchorman- you should see that tonight. My sister and I were cracking up- but then again I love Will Ferrell. But I still think that Napoleon Dynamite is a little bit funnier- just cause I love to remember the lines and repeat them over and over again.

"I caught you a delicious bass!"- who knows why he told Deb that.

"Tina you fat piece of lard- come get some food!"- yes, he is talking to a llama.

* peace *

So I wrote a relatively long blog last night- but apparently it got lost in the depths of nowhere- Sad. But I am going to try to recreate it now. It may be more concise the second time around.

First of all I would really like to thank all of you who posted warm and encouraging comments on my last blog. I was really worried about it and was tempted to take it off after I had written it- but like I said, I am tired of hiding that part of who I am. So thank you for making this crazy time easier and more rewarding.

Its been said that people can die so that others have a chance to grow. And in my life this may be true. I have always been concerned with other people's problems. I have alWays tried to help everyone else out- but in turn I have neglected my life. I used to think that helping other people with what they had to do was my sole purpose. I believed that fixing others problems was the only thing that I was good at. I have learned a lot this year about people and more importantly, myself. I am grateful for my dad- not because he has died- but because through the sorrow that I feel I have begun to grow. I am a lot like my Dad in a way. He too was always trying to help others. When I said in his euology that he would have done anything to help someone- it was very true. But in the process of helping everyone, you can start to forget about who you are and your dreams. I fear that this was the case with my dad. He tried so hard for everyone else that he forgot to try for himself. He was just so tired of trying to hold everyone up that he needed his rest- thats the way I look at it at least. So when I say Rest in Peace, Dad, I really mean it. Get that rest that eluded you here on earth.

But realizing what happened to my Dad, has given me a chance at life that he never had. I can see now that I have other purposes besides being the glue that hold everyone together. I am my own person- who will not just dream, but take a chance and try to make those dreams come true. I am growing you see. As each day passes I get stronger and I look up in the sky, say a little prayer and jump- cause thats the only way things are going to happen. I am a better fighter now- you allowed me to be, Dad. And for that I will be eternally grateful.....

So as not to leave you with a sad feeling- (sorry my blogs have been emotional lately), I am going to leave you with what I am feeling for this weekend- Thank God its Friday.

- Barbershop 2- Cedric the Entertainer- enough said!
- Goodwill stores that are waiting for me to find treasure in
- Hanging out with my cousin Meghan- hopefully we can see Anchorman
- Going to see Anchorman
- Shabu Shabu with mi abuela
- The new Ozomatli Cd that I hope to accquire this weekend
- The new Streets Cd- that with any luck I will get when I get Ozomatli
- Listening to Gift of Gab and wishing that I could have a laidback conversation over some chai tea with him
- Catching up on some much needed sleep

I am used to being different. I have always reveled in being a little different, a little strange, a little sarcastic (okay a lot). I have always been aware that I am a minority first and foremost and then a girl. So yeah I am a double minority- but in actuality I am a triple threat. How might you ask. I am a lesbian too. Yes, I have finally said it and to tell you the truth I feel a lot better. I know people will have a lot of questions and I welcome it. If you need some clarification or want to talk to me about it then go ahead- write me an e-mail, call me. Do what you got to do- I just did and I feel 10 times better.

I was nervous at the thought of writing this blog- but as I continue to type, I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Cheesy I know- but it is true. I have kept that inside for quite awhile and to be honest, I was tired of not talking about it. I am tired of living a lie. And now that I have said it- I feel like I can move on now. I can continue with my dreams of having a boutique and of doing my art and I can finally be free.

Having a secret life can take a toll on your mental stability. I am so tired of worrying what everyone is going to say. I don't want people to look at me any differently than they already do. Because frankly I am a little weird. I want a monster truck, I love music, I always get lost (even to my own house), I can't stop making smart alecky comments to save my life.... and yes I am gay. But I guess that is all part of being me. And if people don't like me then there isn't anything I am willing to do to change myself. However, I will try to be less critical. I am trying to do that at least....

What did you do as a child that made the hours pass like minutes? Herein lies the key to your earthly pursuit.
Carl Jung
. . .

'If you wake up every morning and all you can think about is singing then you are meant to be a singer, girl!"- Whoopi Goldberg

I have been thinking about these two quotes for a couple of days now. Yes, I know I shouldn't seriously quote Whoopi Goldberg (especially in Sister Act II) but it makes perfect sense to me. The precise question is: What is it that truly makes you happy? A year ago I couldn't answer that question very easily. Now I can answer without a moment's hesitation. Painting and Creating. If I could live on fufillment then all I would need to survive would be paint, a couple of brushes and some blank canvases or stools- whatever you have lying around. Creating stuff is something that I have always done as a hobby. But it is so much more than that. Its my way of being. If I don't have new ideas floating in my head then I'm not satisfied. And if I'm not satisfied then... Well, lets not go the whole "If I give a mouse a cookie" route- all I know is I have been seriously happy lately. This happiness is all due to some tremendous ideas that I have been mulling over. I have now figured out my ultimate goal- are you ready for this one?

I want to open up a boutique with my furniture and my art and various items that I find appealing. I know that this is not a new idea of mine. I have always wanted to- but I never felt that I could actually do it. Well, I am for sure going to now. I have made up my mind! I'm not sure how long it will take- but I am going to do it and it will work. Because if you wake up every morning with the same dream in your head then you are meant to carry out that dream. I firmly believe that. Now if only I can firmly belive that I am going to win the lotto.....