October 07, 2004
When the Night is Cloudy, There is Still a Light That Shines on Me...
Today was the day and it was sad but I love remembering my dad. We went to the beach in the morning and while we were remembering and saying payers a group of white doves flew over us and then the group perched above us and sat for the remainder of our stay. While I was sharing stories about dad, a lone dove circled above us and seemed to be a hello from him. This got me thinking about signs that we fail to see every day. In regards to my dad, there have been a lot of signs of his presence when he died and there continues to be.
My sister has noticed an imprint of a hand on her arm (this has happened the day after he died and earlier this week) that was impossible to do to herself (the imprint was the back of a hand and clearly shows the fingernails and it was the left hand while being on the left arm). Besides the fact that it stayed a for almost a whole day. We have concluded that it is either my dad's hand or an angel because of the circumstances.
I never see any physical signs of my dad but I do feel his presence from time to time. I think my dog Jazz does too because sometimes when we are watching tv in my room I leave the door open and i will see her look up sharply at the door. And usually my dog will bark when she is alarmed or hears a noise-but in those instances she looks up and wags her tail and then lays back down but her tail continues to wag. So it seems that I am never really alone even though I feel that I am often. Good to know...
I guess my point is that when I take the time to look there are signs everywhere. I just have to remember to pay attention and look...
Jackie- I want so much to talk to someone about Tio, your dad my uncle, but i cant. I feel that by reading this i feel more comfortable expressing my feelings too. I often feel that i cant talk about it with you or Lo because i am afraid that i am not valid in hurting as much as i do. Like because he was not my dad, i dont have a right to need him so much, to miss him everyday. I know what you mean by signs. Everyso often i get this incredible urge that i have forgotten to call someone back, and without even thinking i dial his old cell phone number. The weird thing is when i realize what i just did i also realize that i can not for the life of me remember his number, like i cant actually write it down. But in succoncious moment i am able to flawlessly dial it without even truly knowing its his number. I dont know if that makes any sense but i do this almost once a week since he has died. Like something inside of me still cant get over the fact that he called me the day before and i never called him back. I think i am haunted by it. I dont know. you dont have to respond to this i just wanted to let you know how i feel even though i still feel guilty for even telling you now...
Posted by: Emilie at October 14, 2004 08:45 PM