This week has been a little hard for me because Thursday the 7th will mark the one year anniversary of my dad's death. Funny, I feel like it was yesterday and yet some things remain fuzzy. Hopefully, I will find something constructive to say on that day. But today isn't that day and all I can feel is sad. Sad that I haven't talked to him in a year to this date and sad that many things won't be. I found a poem that I wrote a few weeks after he died. At that time I would have given anything to go with him. I used to see accidents happening to me that would end it all- but these accidents never came and I am glad (honestly, most of the time I am). I am glad because I now know the pain of loosing someone close to you and I wouldn't want to contribute to that pain to my family needlessly.
If you called to me
I would jump
I would fall from the earth
down to a deep that I don't know
and i would wait for you to come
with my memories of you and me and my sister
we would laugh and you would lead me to a better place
i would go if you called
but you won't call
and i am left here in the void
where screams of pain are masked by everyday life
and thoughts of "he's in a better place now" make me heave
i wasn't ready i tell them
and they look at me with knowing in their eyes
this will pass they say
keep his memories close to your heart they say
but all i remember is the plans that i had
i was going to lighten the load
i was going to take care of you
i wanted to make sure you didn't have to worry
i was the young one
i could still pick up the world that you carried without complaint
there was supposed to be time for you
time for you to be first
but you are gone
you were called
i was not
i am left
so i wait
for you to call
and then i will jump
to the deep that i don't know
and you will come get me
and we will laugh....
Miss Jackie
I too - i am glad that the accident didn't happen to you.Because as well as losing your dad i'd lose you too,who would i write to like i do you. "nobody " Don't thinkyour the only one that wishes at times an accident would happen to them so you could go to a better place or just go away! We have to be strong in life and live with the things god hands our way wethere we like it or not. So here we are in life to gethere living what god has delt us on our own path - we will live ! -we will life to the fullest we can ! So lets be there for eachother and do it to gethere "LIFE
YOUR UNCLE RON
I'm sorry this week has been tough. But I feel ya. I've had a horrible week too. Rejection and run-in's with peeps I can do without.
I'm glad that you are still here. Who else would I feed? lol! Maybe this rejection isn't so bad and it was meant to happen so we can eat more sushi together!
Maybe you can't physically talk to him but I'm sure if you do...he'll somehow hear you and in your heart you'll know exactly what he intends to say to you. Life is precious and we should never take it for granted.
I am glad you are my friend.
Posted by: Melinda at October 11, 2004 01:51 PM