Ramblings on a Thursday night

We are so different, her and I, and yet I enjoy our outings because we laugh constantly and we are able to be the dour bitches that we really were to each other. Sure, we poked fun of each other but we poked fun of ourselves too.

 

We couldn’t have been more different and yet we were similar, empatico on issues that we faced in different lands that had resulted in the same.

 

I might want more from her, as I always do with friends. I want their constant attention on me and she might need more from me, like she always does, my constant attention on her.

 

We steal words, moments and talk about ourselves - each one vying to explain each life and sorrows, all the while laughing about it. Yet, through the rushed words, stolen time and laughter, we perfectly understand what the other one means.

 

Of course, as always, she happens to be more settled, be more with herself, and have more luck on her side than I do. But I’ve learned to look past that. Many Many Many people I meet usually have that going for them and it’s useless to wallow in self pity when it can be easily pointed out that I actually have it way better than most.

 

She’ll tell me I’m being such a sissy even writing about this.

 

I’m not, really, I’m a cynic – I’m waiting for the day that we are no longer friends – something I automatically do, because I’ve come to think that I can no longer have people for a long time, that things don’t last, that people leave you – because that’s what’s been so common in my life.

 

Boo hoo, I know.

 

I’m a bit numb currently – just how I prefer it. If I had my way, being numb would come with no consequences and I would be able to be numb from pain all the time. No such luck however – the throbbing, aching pain is a constant part of my life, keeping me awake through the night and keeping me company in the day during long work hours.

 

I wish for a lot of things. I do. I wish for peace, I wish for strength, I wish for courage, I wish for the pain to go away. I wish for intellectual capacity that would blow away my colleagues and make me a noble peace prize winner. I wish for clever witty words to flow out of my mouth, so I can be the wittiest person in any given conversation. I wish for my mother to understand me. I wish for my mother to be really truly happy. I wish my sister could have whatever she wanted. I wish I could stop feeling guilty. I wish I could tell the bitches that give me trouble at work that I hate their ugly asses. I wish that I could free the people of Burma. I wish I could truly love someone else without holding myself back. I wish I could find love that was unconditional. I wish I would stop seeing everything from everyone’s point of views. I wish that all the children in the world could retain their innocence a bit longer.

 

I wish, I wish. And I can tell her all these things. She laughs at me  but she gets it. I bitch back at her but I get it. Often we are awful for each other. I let her drink more than she should. She lets me talk more about myself than is healthy. We eat sugary foods and yet are vain about our looks constantly.

Sometimes, i think it's just good knowing that someone else is in the same boat as you, or a boat nearer to where you are than anyone else.

I wish I blogged more too. I miss interacting with my readers.

hugs and kisses,

Yangon Thu