Kensei and the Dragon.

I feel so lost nowadays. Well, I guess I’ve been lost for a while but I’ve been trying to find my way. Why can’t someone foresee my destiny and paint it in a comic and tell me what I should be doing? (i.e.: teleport to NYC, rent a Blue Nissan Versa and travel to Texas to save the Cheerleader, who in turn will save the WORLD)

I know, I know, I’m supposed to be writing my own comic, my own way. I know where I want to be, which is completely opposite from where I know I have to go. I just remember when I was little; my friend wrote to me and asked me if I was happy in Singapore. I wrote to her that “Pyaw yar mhar ma nay ya, taw yar mhar nay y ate.” I just didn’t realize that it would be forever.

I guess my feeling lost was only amplified or should I say reflected by my nightmarish dream I had last night/this morning where I dreamt of friends I made in 3 different countries that I grew up in and each of them saying mysterious things to me and morphing into each other and what not. There was also the recurring part where I dream that I am late for my Physics or Math exam for my “O” Levels (even though in my dream, I know I already have my Bachelors) and I’m freaking out because I don’t remember any of the material and feel like a total failure. And on my way to find the school to take the exam in, I get lost because the rickshaw driver doesn’t know the way and I happen to be in Burma – which means I don’t know my way and we are stranded at a department store. I walk into this department store in Burma to be greeted by a white guy who is American or something. Turns out, the whole department store is ran by white people for white people living in Burma. (My dream is so vivid, I can see the colors of the eyes of the people who work there, the products they were selling, how much they earn, etc.) Then I realize I’m eating Burmese food and waiting for my friends to join me as there is a table for 3. My friend then calls to tell me she’s on her way to New York and says sorry she can’t be there but if I was to join them, I can. I am sad because I can’t be in New York and some strangers sit down beside me and I turn around to look at where I am. I am surrounded by strange things in strange places in a land that is strange to me. And all I am aware is how lost and alone I feel before I wake up.

Woo, anyway, feels good to actually write it all down, get off my chest. Anyway, ignore my highly emotional rant. I wanted to tell you a story, about a Kensei and a Dragon, a story from an episode titled Landslide from season 1 of one of my favorite shows Heroes.

Kensei and the Dragon.
Takezo Kensei longed to unite Japan. He went to the dragon of Kizo Mountain and asked the dragon to teach him the secrets of the sword. The dragon taught him to become the Kensei – a sword saint. He fought his enemies and won, saving his people. Then the dragon came to his palace demanding the life of the princess. Kensei drew the sword and plunged it into his own heart. He handed it to the dragon and said “My love is in here, take it.” And then he died.

I understand Father,
To serve what is most important
I must be strong enough
To cut out my heart.

-Hiro Nakamura