The camera cannot lie, but it cannot help being selective. -Anonymous

RED HOT CHILLI - just like how I feel

I'm back! I know it wasn't even 2007 yet and I'm back already! It's hard to keep myself away from something I enjoy. But sacrifices were made so that I could better myself.

Did the metamorphosis happen - from - not so good to great?
I'm afraid not.

But did I try very hard for that metamorphosis to happen?
YES! With everything I had, I tried. SO I guess I get a B for Effort.
and F for Failed Health.

I am a juggler everyday. I set 2 alarm clocks and I have to write down the names of all the medicines and herbs that I am supposed to be taking and I check them off as I swallow them. You see, when you are being treated by a Western doctor, a Traditional Burmese doctor, and from your own treatment from the Natural Health Bible, you got to get the timing just right.

No western medicine to go within eastern medicine in a 2 hour time frames. Eastern medicines and herbs do play well but I try to take them at different times in the day anyway, just to be safe. And some kinds of Western medicines don't play well with other kinds, so I have to time them apart by at least 3 hours.

And there is also the thing where I’m not supposed to be exercising to let my body rest to recover from 1 condition but that I need to exercise to recover from another condition. The irony does not escape me but if they thought it would bring me down, they are wrong. I do enough exercise – not to piss of one condition and to please the other one just enough.

Have I lost you in a dizzying array of a boring story that is my life, yet?

And I do have to give myself props for managing to come out of the funk a little. I mean, it's not fun when the things that are wrong with you causes you to be anxious, cry, and worse, get angry at yourself and I have to tame the demons one at a time and I have actually come on top of them a bit better - not so much damage as the last time it happened.

SO in the end, I had to postpone my travel plans and I will only be leaving at the half of 2007 then, back to the LA LA LAND – where even crazier ppl reside.

But like Pema Chodron once said about enlightenment: “we’re all one blink of an eye away from being full awake”.

I’m still several blinks to being fully awake but with each blink, it is getting somewhat clearer.

It’s sort of a pity that since young, we are brought up in a way where we are told it’s ok to want things and expect to get things from your parents because you’ve been a good kid.

And when you become an adult and even though you are good, bad things still happen to you and this curve ball that you’ve been thrown, you can’t get around it. You ask yourself WHY. WHY can’t life be easy when I’m being good?

But no one ever said goodness or kindness in heart will prevent bad things from happening to you or that just because you are good, you will get a break and stop being sick, stop your father from dying, or get that promotion you so desired.

NO. So what are you going to do? You are just going to keep on keeping on… because you can only take care of yourself to your best abilities – and what ever else demons that are out there to trip you to make you fall – be it bad karma, bad luck, bad timing, bad infections, bad bosses, bad boyfriends, they are going to have to be dealt with one at a time, even if they arrive in the same night.

It’s kind of exhilarating when you finally stop asking the “Why Me” question constantly. I mean, Why not me? What makes me so special that I should be excused from this?

And when you just accept it and learn to deal with it, it’s much easier spiritual wise, because you are already in so much pain from the attacks on your physical life.

I’ve went on too much about it. I finally feel able to write these things down because of the acceptance I’ve made, so I’m glad.

I hope you readers had a wonderful X’mas and that your new year will be even better!