I come home in the morning light, My mother says "When you gonna live your life right?

"Oh, Mother, dear, We're not the fortunate ones, And girls, they wanna have fun.... Oh, Girls they wanna have fun...." -Cyndi Lauper

Moulin Rouge - Paris, France

Sometimes, i just wish that I could keep my eyes open all day and not sleep at all. For reasons unknown to me, I'm the most creative at night and all my thoughts pile up when I'm about to lay down to sleep. Thinking too much has always been my fallacy. I mean, when I talk to people, sometimes, all they say are: "You think too much. Don't". lol.

I wish I could not think. One time I asked my friend Ryan and I asked him what he was thinking of. He said "nothing at all". I said, "how can you be thinking of nothing at all, your mind is blank?" and he said, "yes, I can do that". How jealous I was of him! I wish I could switch off my brain for sometime and not think at all - for I have an overactive imagination and I'm also a born worrier by nature. It's no secret that since I got sick back in 2004 - I haven't been able to sleep at night. Doctors give me sleeping aides sometimes. I really hate the one I'm on now - it leaves a horrid taste in my mouth and I dream relentlessly. I dream at night, I dream when I take a nap and when I wake up, it's as though I haven't slept at all, which, I think defeats the whole purpose of sleeping pills.

I dream of all things that I wasn't able to do in the day because I was tired, or things that I want to do but I never had the guts to or things that I wish would happen. Sometimes, very often these days actually, I've been dreaming of people I've never seen, their drama unfolding in my head like a movie on the screen. Only the drama of these people seems so real to me, like I'm the film maker in front of them. It's weird for me because in the dreams where I don't know the characters, I can see their faces clearly. I can tell what they are wearing and the expressions on their faces.

However, when I dream about people and things that I know well, I don't often see these people's faces. Instead, I just know that they are those people. I don't even know what language the characters in my dreams are talking in. Very often, I just know what they are saying and it's often translated into Burmese and English.

I'm fascinated by dreams as I am fascinated by folklore, cultures and languages. But Dreams.... they are surreal because they don't exist and many cultures have sought to find meanings behind them and they are interpreted differently - from dark omens to deriving numbers to win the lottery.

Sometimes, I want to visit my dream world. I want to be able to see how the characters are produced and where they came from. Do these strangers with distinct faces and features really exist? If so, how am I connected to them? Do certain things mean something? How does my subconscious take up all the things that I want to have to but can't do haven't done and make them into dream? Like always. I'm so curious... and I want to be in on the secret. i want to be behind the scenes.... If perhaps thinking too much is my fallacy, curiosity is probably what will finish me off in the end.