August 2006 Archives

"Wake up wake up
You cant give up time keeps going on without us
Long after we’re dead and gone" - "My Reply" by the Ataris

feeding the pigeons in Sanchaung, Yangon Burma

I want to talk about racism. Yes, I am going there.

So you know I grew up in different countries all my life. I'm pretty used to racism. Used to, meaning, I know everyone is somehow racist and that as humans, all are subject to their feelings depending on their life experiences. That said, I still think racism is something that you should not have to tolerate, not at work, not in yor life, not something that should hinder your way of life. I know i sound naive and I know that racism will never truly disappear but my thinking is just this: we should all realise that using racism to wipe out other people's ways of lives and their livelihood is wrong, racism at workplace is wrong and that we should all try to be understanding of other people because how should we like it if we happened to be the minority and we were ostracised against?

Well, I recently told a certain person that a racist remark was said to me infront of a load of people and that the remark shocked me so much that I was speechless. What was even worse was that I knew that she had meant to hurt me and also that the remark was said because she thought she was right.

I didn't expect the someone I was telling it to to do anything about it really. All I wanted to hear was a simple " yeah she should not have said that, especially not in front of people and also that was hurtful and wrong."

And perhaps I was looking for a "As her superior, I will make sure that does not happen again".

That was all I wanted to hear.

Instead, I heard this: " Well, isn't it true that in this _________ we call a small country, the ________ race think they are superior to the other minority races, don't they? That is probably why __________ said what she had to say because she, being an old fashioned ___________ of this __________ felt that way."

What?!!!!

I dont' care if you think you are better than Mother Theresa or your own god or whatever, it gives you no right to tell me what you said to me. It gives you no right whatsoever to treat me like crap. Gives you no right to make a deragetory comment about the minorities in general.

It doesn't make it right.

So my reply is: Yes, most people of this ______________ thinks they are superior in this country. And this is something that the government and people of this country should be working towards changing because who decides who is superior anyway? And that does not justify her actions and if you are not going to do anything about it, ultimately, you as her superior is responsible for her actions, so I leave it to you to decide if you want to appear collectively as a racist system. And, I hope her actions will come and bite you in the ass one day. I know it will, because frankly, I believe in Karma.

I went to see the movie Click (which was good, by the way) with my friend last night and saw this trailer for an upcoming movie called Happy Feet. I have got to watch this when this comes out in November. I hope you enjoy the trailer as much as I did. :)

" Grown-ups like numbers. When you tell them about a new friend, they never ask questions about what really matters. They never ask: "What does his voice sound like?" "What games does he like best?" "Does he collect butterflies?". They ask: "How old is he?" "How many brothers does he have?" "How much does he weigh?" "How much money does his father make?" Only then do they think they know him. "
- The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (probably my favorite book in the world)

The Opera House, Paris, France

I've often bemoaned on the fact that growing up sucks. Growing up means you take responsibility for yourself and those you intend to/ have to support.
But what us a grown up really? A person able to make difficult decisions? A person able to make money to provide for the family? Someone who dresses like her age, and not her shoe size? Someone who stop playing around because things are serious now? Someone who doesn’t do silly things because they think it would undermine their grown up-ness?

If all that above are what Grown ups are and what Grown ups do, I think I've been one since I was about 10 years old. I made decisions to join clubs that would affect my PSLE exams (believe me, if you fail these and you live in Singapore, your future is over pretty much) to a good outcome. I chose to study with timetables and divided my time between studying and doing chores.
I was actually doing quite well at this and getting good grades in school.

But the thing is, when I turned 15, I started feeling trapped. I started thinking, if this is my life now, I have nothing to look forward to. SO I slowly unraveled the chain locked on my feet and I walked - with a limp, back into my inner child's world.

I sat on the swings, I just hung out, did mindless things like have food fights, drank alcohol while I was still underage. I did silly things, i did them because I was afraid of what the grown up me had become and I wanted my lost youth. I wanted my lost youth back.

But once you lose something like your youth, it never comes back to you, really. SO you move on, trying to maintain a balance between the kid in you and the grown-up that people expected you to be.

I'm trying to balance that out now. But I'm having a hard time though. For example, I don't balance my check book. And I still dress like girls in college. (Or do the girls in college dress like me?) I refuse to dress somber colors to work, and if they didn't like my Red 4 inch platform heels, then so be it.

Come down to it, apart from that period of my life from 10 to 14 where I was all super organized, and "had it together", I'll never be a grown up again. Because well, I want to be able to ask questions that matter.

"Oh, Mother, dear, We're not the fortunate ones, And girls, they wanna have fun.... Oh, Girls they wanna have fun...." -Cyndi Lauper

Moulin Rouge - Paris, France

Sometimes, i just wish that I could keep my eyes open all day and not sleep at all. For reasons unknown to me, I'm the most creative at night and all my thoughts pile up when I'm about to lay down to sleep. Thinking too much has always been my fallacy. I mean, when I talk to people, sometimes, all they say are: "You think too much. Don't". lol.

I wish I could not think. One time I asked my friend Ryan and I asked him what he was thinking of. He said "nothing at all". I said, "how can you be thinking of nothing at all, your mind is blank?" and he said, "yes, I can do that". How jealous I was of him! I wish I could switch off my brain for sometime and not think at all - for I have an overactive imagination and I'm also a born worrier by nature. It's no secret that since I got sick back in 2004 - I haven't been able to sleep at night. Doctors give me sleeping aides sometimes. I really hate the one I'm on now - it leaves a horrid taste in my mouth and I dream relentlessly. I dream at night, I dream when I take a nap and when I wake up, it's as though I haven't slept at all, which, I think defeats the whole purpose of sleeping pills.

I dream of all things that I wasn't able to do in the day because I was tired, or things that I want to do but I never had the guts to or things that I wish would happen. Sometimes, very often these days actually, I've been dreaming of people I've never seen, their drama unfolding in my head like a movie on the screen. Only the drama of these people seems so real to me, like I'm the film maker in front of them. It's weird for me because in the dreams where I don't know the characters, I can see their faces clearly. I can tell what they are wearing and the expressions on their faces.

However, when I dream about people and things that I know well, I don't often see these people's faces. Instead, I just know that they are those people. I don't even know what language the characters in my dreams are talking in. Very often, I just know what they are saying and it's often translated into Burmese and English.

I'm fascinated by dreams as I am fascinated by folklore, cultures and languages. But Dreams.... they are surreal because they don't exist and many cultures have sought to find meanings behind them and they are interpreted differently - from dark omens to deriving numbers to win the lottery.

Sometimes, I want to visit my dream world. I want to be able to see how the characters are produced and where they came from. Do these strangers with distinct faces and features really exist? If so, how am I connected to them? Do certain things mean something? How does my subconscious take up all the things that I want to have to but can't do haven't done and make them into dream? Like always. I'm so curious... and I want to be in on the secret. i want to be behind the scenes.... If perhaps thinking too much is my fallacy, curiosity is probably what will finish me off in the end.

My father donating money at the Burmese Buddhist Temple in Singapore. This temple will also become the place where he was bitten by a few bugs - which eventually led to his death 3 weeks after ThinGyan in 2006

I was watching Singapore Idol tonight and I never watch this show, except to watch the contestant Mathilda D'Silva - who I believe has the best voice in this competition, hands down (she also happens to be the daughter of a colleague). Mathilda never ceases to impress me with her singing skills but tonight, with her choice of song, she did more than that. The lyrics for the song are below. Thanks Mathilda for opening my eys to this beautiful song.

The living Years by Mike & the Mechanics

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door

I know that I’m a prisoner
To all my father held so dear
I know that I’m a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him
in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got

You say you just don’t see it
He says its perfect sense
You just can’t get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defense

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It’s too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It’s the bitterness that lasts

So don’t yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don’t give up,
and don’t give in
You may just be o.k.

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It’s too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye

I wasn’t there that morning
When my father passed away
I didn’t get to tell him
All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I’m sure I heard his echo
In my baby’s new born tears
I just wish I could have told him
in the living years

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It’s too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye

Today is August 8th and I wanted to write a post about the injustice that happened to Burmese people on August 8th, 1988 (8-8-88). I was looking for my own picture to post for this one but I am unable to relate any of the pictures I have taken with the bloody event that occurred on this day, 18 years ago. So, I instead, post some pictures that I saw on the net regarding 8-8-88.

From Burmatoday.net:

Excerpt from Burmawatch.org:

Soldiers pointed their automatic rifles in the crowds. Then, suddenly, the two warning pistol shots came and within seconds the automatic rifle shots took the center stage and scores of people, young and old fell to their death instantly. The streets near the City Hall turned chaotic with people screaming, running and taking cover in random directions. More truckloads of soldiers were sent to Shwegondine Road where the whole columns of demonstrators were gunned down. The casualty was estimated over 2000. The shooting continued until 3:00 am the next day. No one knew how many demonstrators were killed in total.

May all those who sacrificed their lives that day rest in peace. May all our dreams to free Burma from the military government be realised one day soon. May the next generations of Burmese People keep fighting and never forget about the atrocities the generations before them have suffered. May we all live in peace one day.

My first tattoo

So, as I've announced to a few of my friends, already, this weekend, I got a tattoo! This tattoo was in memory of my late father and I had been wanting to do it since he was gone.

I always was in awe of my father's long and elegent looking signature and when it came time for me to actually get my own signature, I tried to have mine to be like his but of course, I failed miserably.

So, I was talking to Yan Naung (who is in town for a few weeks) - and I asked him if he would ever get a tattoo and he said, "yeah, in fact I'm getting one tomorrow". It was a conincidence, so I thought, I'd go check out his tattoo place and see if I can get mine done.. and also to decide where I wanted it done. So I went to Acid Crue tattoo studio at the Peninsula Shopping Centre and Yan Naung was getting a huge tattoo done (it's awesome too, it's a koi fish swimming up the stream, very beautiful). My mind was made up after I saw his being done. I decided to do it.

I sent sms's to everyone I knew in Singapore and I announced my plans. My friend Shane even tried to dissuade me from doing it (she was so cute) but to no avail to this woman with a made up mind!

I wanted to be able to see it all the time, so I decided that I wanted the tattoo on my wrist - on the inside. Also, it would be easy to hide with long sleeves, bangles or a watch, if I was trying to be conservative.

And the shooting star? the shooting star was a last minute idea. I was thinking about how my dad knew almost everyone and to everyone, he was like a star - shining, bright, vivacious and helpful. And when he was gone, it was as though a light had been switched off in some people's lives and so I thought it'd be cool to have a shooting star on top of the tattoo.

Originally, I wanted a big one, vertically across my hand - but I decided to keep it small and nice.

And I was so nervous before I got tattoo'd, Oh my gosh, was I shaking!! But it turned out to be ok!

Yes, it hurt. But not even enough to make me cry. Funny how I teared up watching the movie "the Lake House" but I didn't cry when a bald headed guy covered in tattoos (he was totally hot by the way) was piercing me with needles full of ink, I just bit my lip. And after a while, your adrenaline kicks in, so the pain is definitely lesser as your adrenaline rushes in.

So here is a pic of the tattoo. I had to scan my tattoo at work because yours truly had already packed her digi cam to get ready for the big move to a new flat. So yeah, it looks abit weird and twisted but you can still see it.

I hope you all like the tattoo. But in case you don't like it, please don't comment. haha. I'm totally in tattoo high. Oh yeah, my mom doesn't know, so shhhhh.......

The lions and the dragons guarding the front of the Burmese Buddhist Temple, Singapore

Thai PM Thaksin makes surprise trip to Myanmar
Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra made a surprise one-day visit to military-ruled Myanmar's new jungle capital on Wednesday to see junta supremo Than Shwe.

Thaksin is the most important foreign leader to make the trip to Naypyitaw, an administrative town around 400 km north of Yangon, which Myanmar's military rulers announced to the world in late 2005.

It was not immediately clear why Thaksin visited Thailand's internationally reviled neighbour, which was hauled over the coals at a southeast Asian foreign ministers' meeting last week in Malaysia for failing to move towards democracy.

5.2 magnitude quake shakes Myanmar, no casualties reported

A 5.2 magnitude earthquake shook central Myanmar on Wednesday, but no damage or casualties were reported, according to the meteorology department in neighboring Thailand.

The earthquake occurred at 5:11 p.m. Myanmar time (1041GMT), said a statement of Thailand's meteorological department.

Thailand was not affected by the temblor, it said.

The quake occurred 220 kilometers (135 miles) northwest of Yangon, a Thai meteorological official said on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak to the press.

Officials in Myanmar were not immediately available for comment

Sometimes I amaze myself, when I hear myself talk - when I see myself handling presentations and discussions. This is because I've always held the student role, the learning role and I've always been quiet or told that I should be quiet because I was usually wrong or that I was not capable of handling such things.

Recently I was heading a meeting and I thought, Oh my gosh, this comes naturally to me because I know my shit. I KNOW my shit!

This isn't a "I'm so great, you need to congratualate me" blog post. This is a "Among all the adversaries and mountains I've had to face in my job and life in this chapter, so far, I've actually learned something and that someone who keeps telling me I'm crap, is actually wrong" blog post.

I realise that there will always be people who see me as crap (not everyone can see how wonderful I am, HAHAHAHA) - and that I cannot take it personally. I tend to take these things personally because, well, this is something that I heard alot growing up. But then, now that I've spent a quarter of a century here on earth, I think that I'm able to start slowly letting go of the "I'm crap" feeling.

I think I can finally be at the stage where - "Hey, I'm alright" feeling.

A chapter of my life will end very soon and even though I disliked that chapter, I think that it's still an important and valuable chapter, one where I will look upon with "tsk, tsk, tsk" and "Awwwww, it's alright" mentality.

So, I hope everyone is doing alright on this Hump Day.