February 2005 Archives

So, I have a dilemma tonight.

What do you do when you see celebrities that you actually like?

And I don't just mean like as in , oh my god, i love him/her so much.

How about the ones whom you think are real, whom you think could be your friend if they were normal people and you met them in college.

In my field, I meet celebs all the time and I'm torn between my professional demeanor where I smile and I nod at the most or introduce myself and pass on my business card to them to------ going full on gush mode where I want to reiterate to them every scene that they rocked in the movie I watched last night.

And I have yet to gush- maybe I did once a little bit but then I already know that person kinda well...

Anyway, my dilemma again, is, so what if i tell them i love so and so and such and such? they must get hasseled like that often, so why would it make a difference that I do that?

Perhaps, I'm not fierce enough and perhaps I should assert myself more. But I always think: "won't they think I'm just another one who tried to get their 15 minutes of fame by talking to them? "

ANd I think I should put myself out there more and introduce myself but it's hard. I see an actor I have a crush on and I freeze. He looks absolutely normal, harmless and I freeze. I guess my plan to marry a rich actor who is about to retire is never going to happen at this rate. lol
(example: I saw Paul Rudd tonight and I love him and I could not stop to talk to him. I'm such a chicken shit. )

and I also just witnessed another celebrity couple who just broke up get in a slight argument tonight, as I'm trying to pass them to go inside a VIP room.
I felt like I was intruding and I tried to leave but I was crushed in by bodyguards and nosey people trying to listen in.

But that is what I would have done if another couple was in an argument. Iwould have left, tried to give them privacy... .. but I guess to alot of ppl, their status makes them think it's ok for them to listen in.

All I know is that I need to make more conenctions, so I do need to go ahead and introduce myself and try to make conversation. Maybe I'll try to be the realest Publicist in tinseltown.

Yeah, I'm rambling on.. it's past midnight - way past this old lady's bed time.

I'm feeling extra loopy today
lack of sleep and alot of work will do that to a person I guess
and why do I feel the need to blog about my loopiness?
I don't know.. it's probably the caffeine driving my fingers...

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone who celebrates it!!!

I loved my previous posts with pictures so much, I decided to post some really random pictures that I took with my cell phone (yes, the quality is not so good - and so? lol) :

Bright Lights in Culver City:

Moving traffic looks like this:

Jaz (wish she was mine) zy

Jaz (but she's Jackie's) zy

"it's too late and I want to hide in Bed"

Suzi (used to be my roomate) Q

Stitch - he really talks, even though he's grouchy sometimes

You have to be strong
when someone lets you down
you have to be smart
when someone bashes your heart
you have to let it roll
when someone throws you a curve ball.

you have to dodge the blows
even though you know you can hit back more
you have to bite your tongue
even though your heart is not cold

and sometimes you have to keep your cool
when there's a tornado around you
and often you have to be all smiles
because your heart will believe that lie.

and these are not new life lessons
you just have to remember that life is a cycle
and things will repeat
even if you do the right thing.
and follow your heart..
at the end of the day,
you just have to be strong.

Once upon a time, there was this man... he believed that a lot of people had problems, because they simply made bad choices, that they made stupid choices, and that all problems that people had would go away if people simply made smart choices.

Then there was this woman who, similar to the above man, also thought that people simply made stupid decisions and thought that her problems, however minute, were worse than other people's in worse situations because she was not used to handling tough situations. Then when she heard other people's problems, she thought that simple answers would just answer it. Sometimes I think she said this so that everyone can move on and talk about her problems instead.

I think about these 2 people sometimes- i hear their thoughts in my head when I'm faced with decisions that I have to make and oh, believe me, I'm constantly faced with decisions.

But you have to understand that the 2 people mentioned above, they have little or no experience in deciding things for themselves - all their lives, decisions have been made for them, problems have been solved for them and money has been provided for them.

It's not like I've had to beg for money like some people, it's not like that at all. I have had the money provided for me and the guidance that's been given to me. But sometimes, because I am born in a certain country, born a certain way, born to a certain set of circumstances, smart choices are not a luxury that I have.

Often, I've had to crawl though a door because I simply couldn't walk through one. and sometimes, I've gritted my teeth and done what's wrong because well, I couldn't afford to do the right thing.

You know, it's not a pity blog, it's not, oh, "woe is me" type of blog. I just know that there are people out there who truly understand what I'm saying because they've been in situations that I've been in.

I guess there are the fighters who clear paths in the forest so they can walk on it and people can follow. Then there are people who are just given paths to work on and they do not see the pain or the trouble of having to clear a thousand trees.

And I'm about to risk something pretty big so I can get on with my life, I'm about to risk pretty much everything that's familiarto me so that I can have a life that I think I deserve, that I know will let me be someone I've become.

I dont' know if this is a smart decision or the right decision. And I can't think of what those 2 people I mentioned above would say to me or if they would shake their heads or make falsely sympathetic noises.

Sometimes, you have to block out those people and just focus on what you know is best and right for you. Even if they don't see it that way. Sometimes, you have to crawl through a door so you can reach for what you need.