November 30, 2007
It's a good thing tears never show in the pouring rain...As if a good thing ever could make up for all the pain
I used to blog about my everyday life, post pictures of my family and whine a lot on this blog, besides blog about the political situation in Burma. However, with the recent events this year (political uprising in Burma, very corporate job, etc), I had to remove my family's photos and many diary entries from this site because well, they pretty much told you everything about me and I did not want my blog to have negative effects on my family and some friends.
And I went through this phase where I was trying to hide who I was and took down my blog links off of all the social networking sites that showed my pictures, etc... and I got very tired of it.
Lately, I've been going riding a roller coaster emotions dealing with everything from health issues to school issues to money issues and I missed being able to just write and air out my feelings. I missed my blog.
And I thought, F*%k the Burmese Junta and their control over me. For many years I lived in fear they would take my passport when I went back to Burma - if I didn't bribe the custom officials after enduring, I might add, being treated like a thief and a terrorist where ever I traveled because I carried a Burmese passport, only to travel back to Burma and be treated like subhuman as well because my family wasn't connected with the reigning S1 or S2 or whoever. The cases of 555 cigarettes and bottles of Johnny Walkers I've had to give them, not to mention all the money we gave to get our passports in the first place.
So seriously, F*%k them! I don't want to hide who I am and what I'm feeling and wanting to say because of them. Of course, I'm not going to post any photos of my family because most of them live in Burma still and I love them dearly and would not want any harm to befall upon them. I still have this fear that I will not be allowed to go back to the country but you know what, I can only live in fear for so long. Enough is enough.
I'm just so angry with the Burmese Junta. I mean, yeah, I hate them because they kill and rape and manipulate people living in Burma on a daily basis and the economy is so bad that no one can live in the country and do business or work if their morals aren't severely compromised. Not to mention the extreme poverty, lack of health care, and an education system that forces teachers to not teach in real schools so students are forced to pay to take up tuition classes from the very same teachers who don't teach in schools.
BUT I think I'm mostly upset at the Burmese Junta because not only do I have to worry about people I love living back in Burma constantly, I have to explain to everyone else where Burma is and I have to explain to everyone why we are not bad people, and I have to endure speeches where everyone pity me because I come from Burma and I have to live in a country I have no identification with because my family and I only wanted to live without comprising my morals and have a good education system.
I still have not lost my immigrant complex where I feel I have to do more, get paid less, put up with racism and discrimination because my own government couldn't provide me with an OK place to live in. Sure, no one put a gun at my parents' heads and said you have to leave the country but if they hadn't left the country, my parents today would be doing things that were beneath them, just to get by... just to get by...
Oh! It just makes me so mad!!
I'm sorry folks, Yangon Thu is just in a very very bad mood lately and needed to blow steam........
So here I am, blogging again, about the mundaness that is my life and my emotions... enjoy! LOL (You now know to not read this blog if highly emotional bloggers are not your thing, yeah?)
Here is to trying not to live in fear!
Now I must go back to writing the essay which I was supposed to have written about, well, a month ago... wish me luck.......
BTW, I'm addicted to listening to the acoustic version of Robyn's song Be Mine. It's so beautiful and it makes me wish I could play the piano and sing my heart out... maybe then I wouldn't need to blog about my emotions so much.
Lyrics after the jump.
P.S: To everyone whose email I have not replied and whose phone calls I have not returned and whose sms's I haven't yet texted back, I'm so sorry! I'm just in this state of busyness, besides the fact that I also lost my phone and was phone-less for a few weeks. Too many things to do before the year ends. Talk to me in the new year... things are supposed to be better then.
Lyrics: Robyn's Be Mine
It's a good thing tears never show in the pouring rain
As if a good thing ever could make up for all the pain
There'll be no last chance to promise to never mess it up again
Just the sweet pain of watching your back as you walk
As I'm watching you walk away
And now you're gone, there's like an echo in my head
And I remember every word you said
It's a cruel thing you'll never know all the ways I tried
It's a hard thing, faking a smile when I feel
like I'm falling apart inside
And now you're gone, there's like an echo in my head
And I remember every word you said
But you never were, and you never will be mine
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
For the first time, there is no mercy in your eyes
And the cold wind is hitting my face and you're gone
And you're walking away (away)
And I am helpless sometimes
Wishing's just no good
'Cause you don't see me like I wish you would
'Cause you never were, and you never will be mine
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
There's a moment to seize everytime that we meet
But you always keep passing me by
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
(I saw you at the station,
You had your arm around what's-her-name
[ Lyrics provided by www.mp3lyrics.org ]
She had on that scarf I gave you
And you got down to tie her laces)
'Cause you never were, and you never will be mine
(You looked happy, and that's great)
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
(I just miss you, that's all)
'Cause you never were, and you never will be mine
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
There's a moment to seize everytime that we meet (hey, yeah)
But you always keep passing me by
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
'Cause you never were, and you never will be mine
(You never were, and you never will)
You never were and you never will be mine
There's a moment to seize everytime that we meet
But you always keep passing me by
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
Posted by Yangon Thu at November 30, 2007 09:32 PM